


Space Cowboy

by thesockmonster



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Space Pirates, self discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 23:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7409515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesockmonster/pseuds/thesockmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cargo Pilot Kim Jongin is twenty-six years old, set adrift in the expanse of space by his own choice and he's never felt more lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Cowboy

The low and steady thrum of the ship's engines seem intent on lulling Jongin into a half-sleep state, his head jerking up and eyes popping open every few minutes. He past tired a while ago, his body exhausted from too little rest and more than a few adrenaline rush crashes from close calls. The only reason he still has the capacity to fly are the stims he popped twelve hours ago and they're beginning to leave his system already. His bladder is pleading with him for a quick bathroom break and his mouth feels like cotton, but he's not stopping until he gets there.

He's almost home.

The speakers of the comm crackle and hiss before coming to life and Jongin smiles when he hears a familiar voice break through the silence. "Well I'll be damned," Kyungsoo quips. "Didn't think you'd slip through the blockade around Mars."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he drawls back, lips brushing the old microphone attached to the headset. It needs replacing, but it's low on the list. Too many pieces of equipment that are vital to keeping this girl functional need to be taken care of first. Slowly but surely, he'll get there. One job at a time.

"How's the colony?"

Jongin feels his stomach twist, hearing how carefree Kyungsoo sounds when he knows how desperate he is for news. Kyungsoo's lover is out there on Titan, the largest moon orbiting Saturn, and with the continuous raids from pirates and the pesky blockades trying to steal all aid to the scientists stranded on the mostly lifeless rock, tensions are high. The government won't give in to demands and raids keep increasing in frequency. Jongin and his small ship were slippery enough to evade being boarded and he made it to the moon with food and emergency first aid for the small colony. He'd seen Joonmyun firsthand and despite being thinner and possibly going gray, he looked well enough.

"Surviving," he finally says and silence follows. Jongin can see the moon ahead of him and he gets a little giddy at the sight. So close.

 

The air is stale when he steps outside his ship, leaving what had been his home for the last two and a half months. It tastes over recycled and it's verging on cold. There must be a build up in the ducts again. A shiver runs down his spine and he takes the stairs two at a time before reaching the bottom with too much weight on the balls of his feet. It's jarring. The vibration runs up his calves and he frowns. He already misses the controlled comforts of his ship.

"When are you going to let me upgrade this hunk of space debris?" Amber's voice calls as she ascends to the platform, grease smudged across her smiling face.

"When they start paying me what I'm worth," he shoots back, resting a hand on the front of his ship - the Sekai. His vessel has been exceptionally good to him and he picks at a crack in the black paint, revealing the dull gray of the metal underneath. She deserves a good overhaul and more, but with his money going elsewhere, the basics will have to do. "Left thruster was a little hinky," he says mechanically as Amber reaches his side. Her hand runs over the crack and she tsks.

"I know where you can get a decent paint job." Jongin opens his mouth to object when she cuts him off. "Cheap."

"I'll think about it." He slings his bag over his shoulder; it's filled with laundry that's far overdue for a good washing along with a few smaller things that keep him going. His music, for example, is in need of an update and it couldn't hurt to add a few new games to wile away the hours between planets. Knowing Sehun, several books too because he's always nudging Jongin to educate himself more. All Jongin needs, though, is knowledge on how to fly and how to not die in deep space.

The artificial gravity in the hangar isn't the same level he uses on his ship and it makes him stumble several times before he gets his legs in order. Damn moon. He walks heavy-footed to the STC with purpose, hoping to catch Kyungsoo before the next shuttle headed planetside docks. It seems luck is with him. Kyungsoo steps outside just as Jongin makes it to the stairs, sliding down on the rails with a gleeful smile before dropping onto his feet just in front of Jongin.

"Did he send anything?" Kyungsoo asks and the hope written across his face is damn near heartbreaking. Jongin pulls the crinkled papers from his back pocket and Kyungsoo plucks them from his grasp before reverently holding them to his chest. "Thank you." Legally speaking, Jongin could lose his job or worse for passing letters between the men without going through the proper channels, and yet he can't seem to care when he's so good at smuggling small things through. Besides, the damn government doesn't _really_ need to read the sappy words of love and promises they're sending back and forth.

With a nod, he heads off, knowing Kyungsoo will have a fresh letter and possibly a small gift for Joonmyun for him to smuggle on his next trip. And he won't say no. The hangar bay is bustling with mechanics and pilots - people he fits in with - yet the waiting room for the shuttle is full of citizens and employees wearing crisp uniforms with tidy hair. Jongin takes note of his own state, hair sticking up in odd directions and dirt under his nails and probably elsewhere too. His clothes aren't standard issue for the company he represents and they're wrinkled from falling asleep in his bunk too many nights in a row. He takes in an eyeful of tourists and resists the urge to scoff at their excitement.

Walking past a holo, he stops and takes a step back. He chews his lip as he decides whether to give Sehun a call or not until he takes in the time. It'll still be too early planetside for Sehun to be awake and he doesn't want to disturb him. Besides, he'd rather the real thing than a pixelized hologram attempting to recreate the perfection that is Sehun's face.

His neck pops as he twists his head side to side and a pleasant sigh escapes his lips. Jongin can't wait to be home, to be smothered in soft blankets with a real mattress under him and possibly Sehun too. It's been almost eleven weeks since he was home and the anticipation of being so close is what keeps him from falling asleep. The plush seats in the shuttle are far more comfortable than he remembers and he tunes out the inflight educational movie, preferring to gaze at the image of Earth growing larger and larger through the window.

Seatbelts are fastened and Jongin sees several fearful faces amongst the passengers when the turbulent descent into the atmosphere begins. It's nothing he hasn't been through dozens of times, yet his fingers still catch on the arms of his seat, knuckles white and breathing a little too shallow to be classified as calm. This is the part he hates the most. Fire licks outside the shuttle and he purposely doesn't think about it. He closes his eyes and counts.

_One_.

Sehun's alarm will probably be blaring to life soon, the morning news clicking on and he'll slam his hand down in an attempt to hit the snooze button. He'll fail and tumble out of the bed with the sheets wrapped around his legs.

_Two_.

Because of his tumultuous start, he'll forego cooking breakfast for something freeze-dried - probably banana pieces or strawberries. He's always been fond of their sweetness.

_Three_.

He'll lose time taking a shower because he hates the cold outside the shelter of the bathroom and it will result in him being late.

_Four_.

He'll pull on his clothes frantically, shirt probably wrinkled because he picks up the nearest one on the floor. He's abysmal when it comes to doing laundry if Jongin isn't there to haggle with him about it.

_Five_.

His school books will be everywhere and Sehun will inevitably check his schedule (the one he's had memorized since the start of term) to make sure he has the right texts and accompanying papers. He could use a tablet with downloaded copies like most people, but he's old-fashioned and clumsily so. He's guaranteed to knock the stack over several times.

_Six_.

Sehun will fall face first into bed when he remembers it's Wednesday and his earliest class doesn't start for another four hours. He'll shrug off his shirt with a whine and probably fall asleep in that uncomfortable position until someone wakes him.

_Seven_.

Jongin imagines the disgruntled state Sehun will be in as he answers the door. He'll be cursing under his breath at being woken up. But it will all melt into a dazzling smile when he sees Jongin standing there, preferring to announce his appearance by having Sehun pull him in with rough hands and soft kisses instead of sneaking in with his key. Although sometimes Jongin likes to mix it up. Maybe today he'll let himself into their small apartment and wake Sehun a different way.

_Eight_.

The shuttle jolts and Jongin takes in a deep breath. It will be over soon and he'll be back on Earth. Put him on the moon and he's good. Stick him in a ship in space and he's fucking great. But as a man, standing on the planet he was born on, he's merely a person trying to get by just like the rest of them.

_Nine_.

The voice of the captain rings through the speakers, speech well rehearsed and intonations just chipper enough to not make him sound as bored as he probably is. Jongin's seen the cockpits of these shiny new toys. They're ninety percent auto-pilot and he can't imagine the mind-numbing dullness that would accompany having to man one every single day.

_Ten_.

Jongin hears the whirs of the landing gear, the turbulence over and the din of chatter taking over the cabin again. He releases his hold on the seat and begins massaging the life back into his fingers. Almost home.

 

The first thing Jongin's subjected to when he steps off the landing pad are the blinding neon lights of the advertisements lining the walls of the building. His eyes catch on bright orange and linger fondly as he recalls Sehun's enthusiasm for the permanent hair coloring place it displays. And by permanent, they mean truly permanent; your hair grows whatever color you choose. It had been a harrowing time for Jongin who had to talk his boyfriend out of making his hair pink. In the end they settled on blond and despite his reservations, the color suits Sehun perfectly.

Jongin squints against the obtrusive signs and shoulders his way through the crowds of chattering people. None of them spare him a glance and he doesn't expect them to. He's never really stood out. There's a representative of the company he works for - EXO - waiting for him as he finally makes it down toward the exit. The man stands tall and proud in his black uniform, silver hexagon emblazoned near the top left. Jongin pulls the dossier of his latest trip to Titan from the side pocket of his bag and hands it over to Chanyeol with an impish smile. "You cut your hair off," he comments conversationally when Chanyeol slips the small tablet from his hand.

Chanyeol reaches up and sheepishly rubs the fuzz still left attached to his head. "They cut it too short." It never ceases to amaze Jongin how a tall, intimidating man such as Chanyeol can transform into a kicked puppy so quickly. He's pouting and his eyes are downcast, but it morphs into a grin when he slaps Jongin on the back as a welcome. "I see you managed to survive."

"Why is everyone so surprised?"

Chanyeol's smile falters. "We lost three supply runs in the last two weeks. It's getting tougher to get through and some of our people aren't making it out alive anymore."

Jongin sucks in a breath. "Anyone I know?" he implores.

Chanyeol shakes his head and Jongin feels at least some relief at the information, but it doesn't calm the churning in his stomach. The company doesn't hire pilots who aren't worth a damn in a pinch.

"We'll be in contact for your next assignment," Chanyeol says a minute later as they walk out of the building. The sun is bright and Jongin pulls out a pair of shades immediately to protect his sensitive eyes. Months in space - surrounded by darkness - always take a toll on his eyesight when he hits home. There's a car waiting for him and he thanks Chanyeol before sinking into the expensive cushions and letting the robotic driver take him to his apartment. The site of concrete and metal and busy streets never fails to make him feel out of place. It's so crowded down here, cramped space filled with people and buildings and roads that lead everywhere and nowhere. He feels stifled and unwelcome.

The apartment complex he lives in looks no different than most others, a cookie cutter version of tall, gray slate. It has large windows and a proprietary sign to announce the name of the building. Jongin thumps it on his way in for luck. The elevator takes him to the 64th floor and he steps off with a twist in his stomach. He's nervous and it's ridiculous because he's known Sehun for so many years. There's no reason to be unsure, yet he is. Sehun's too good for him and Jongin knows it.

Unclean fingerpads press against a dull white button and he hears the buzzing echo inside. Sehun will be up by now, and Jongin can almost picture his disgruntled face and sleep-mussed hair. His thoughts are cut short as the door wrenches open. Jongin feels the breath in his lungs freeze as he takes in the sight of a shirtless Sehun, hair in disarray and eyes puffy from sleep. His gaze darts to Sehun’s pink lips as his tongue swipes over them. Jongin happily allows long arms to stretch out and hands to ball in his shirt, dragging him into the room. Sehun's warmth crawls over his skin just before their mouths are pressed together. Jongin smells bad and Sehun's breath is horrid, but it's been so long and they need each other too much to care.

"Did you wait for me?" Jongin asks playfully, breathing hard as they part for a moment.

"No." It's always the same reply and it's always a lie. Sehun waits and Jongin only comes back for _him_.

Jongin refamiliarizes himself with Sehun's touch, with a voice that sounds so much better in person than any recording, and with eyes that sparkle from the light spilling from the window because they never bothered to buy curtains. His hands eagerly trace over high cheek bones and dip to rest on the back of Sehun’s neck so he can pull him ever closer. "I missed you so much," he whispers between kisses and Sehun hums lightly before he gasps for air. Jongin's shirt meets the floor and Sehun has arms wrapped around him, hurriedly pulling him forward as they make the small trek to the bed. Jongin had wanted so much to get a bigger place so Sehun would have space to spread out, a room to stare out the window as he focused on his books, but he doesn't make enough for a place like that _and_ to pay tuition fees. Sometimes, however, small has its perks.

Jongin shoves Sehun onto the bed, admiring the way his lanky body bounces on the mattress, and then crawls up to hover over his bare chest. Sleep and showers are secondary to the way Sehun is looking at him, all heavy lidded and flushed with arousal as hands run up his calves and thighs to settle around his thin waist. Sehun arches into the touch, draping an arm around Jongin’s neck and pulling down until the weight has them sinking into the soft comforter. The cream color of the blanket only manages to make Sehun look more beautiful as he sprawls on his back. Jongin burns the image into his memories.

Eager fingers fumble with clothing, catching on shirt hems and covered feet as Sehun tries to shove Jongin's pants down over his shoes. It's a mess and Jongin winds up on his back as Sehun finally wrenches both boots and the rest of his garments off with a grumbled curse. Jongin laughs and hauls him up for another kiss so he can run his fingers through Sehun’s silky hair, tug a little to swallow the tiny whimpers that follow. "Just let me do the work, yeah?" he offers between kisses.

He's answered with more grumbling and Sehun shaking his head until blond strands fall in his eyes. "You're not putting your dirty fingers inside me," he whispers before pushing his lips against the skin under Jongin's ear. And yeah, Sehun has a point. Jongin lets him take the lead again, falling back into the soft blanket and letting himself go lax. "That doesn't mean stop touching me," Sehun whines as he makes his way down Jongin's chest with his mouth and occasionally his teeth. It's times like this when Jongin thinks Sehun belongs in one of those old vampire movies with his pale skin pulled tight over long bones and sharp teeth nipping at him teasingly. He could play the part convincingly enough with his deceptive innocence and piercing eyes. Only Sehun's not some character in a movie. He's very real and warm, and Jongin has missed this so damn much.

He inhales sharply, mouth falling open in a silent moan when Sehun makes it down to his cock and takes the head between his lips. Months with nothing but video recordings of Sehun to get off to makes the real thing heighten tenfold. Jongin had nearly forgotten the touch of someone other than himself and Sehun fits perfectly around him. One hand wrestles out of the confines of the comforter and slips easily into Sehun's hair, not quite guiding his movements, but coaxing him to take him further down.

Jongin voices how amazing it feels, words stuttered and broken by gasps and Sehun hums in appreciation. He's always been receptive to encouragement and Jongin is always willing to give it, especially when he's hollowing his cheeks around Jongin’s dick and sucking so hard. He cries out, hips trying to lift out of instinct which only leads to Sehun's fingers digging into the skin of his sides to keep him still. "Sehun, you need to stop," Jongin manages to breathe out, voice cracking around the edges. Another drawback of being away for so long is how quickly it takes for him to finish and he doesn't particularly want to do it in Sehun's mouth. Sehun knows this and drags his lips down Jongin’s cock one last time, grinning as he tugs against the crown with his teeth lightly on the way up. Jongin hisses, the sensation caught in the gray area between pain and pleasure.

Sehun kisses it better with swollen lips against Jongin's own. A chuckle is muffled by the kiss and Sehun pinches Jongin quiet. He'll pay him back properly for that later, but right now his body is thrumming with the need to take Sehun as his own again and again. With Sehun back in his arms, Jongin tastes himself on his tongue. He chases Sehun as he slips to the left to reach for the lube kept in the top drawer of their flimsy little nightstand. Jongin's amazed it's still in one piece after the number of times they've slammed it around in their haste to get inside each other.

The pop of the cap brings Jongin back to the present. He watches eagerly as Sehun sits up, straddling his waist so he can reach behind himself. Jongin knows when he presses the first finger in by the way Sehun's mouth falls open and his eyes scrunch closed. It makes him wonder if Sehun had touched himself in that way since he'd last been home. He gets even harder thinking about it and runs his hands up Sehun's thighs to tease around his dick. Sehun narrows his eyes, glaring down at Jongin and he smiles in return, deciding to be merciful by taking Sehun’s neglected cock in his hand and stroking enough to keep him satisfied. Jongin’s heart races, mind clouded with desire and lust - all the things Sehun wrenches to the forefront of his thoughts as he watches. He drinks in a vision of pale white flush with pink, writhing on top of him and grinding down on his fingers.

Impatience tugs at Jongin and he takes the abandoned bottle of lube from the bed, pouring some in the palm of his hand. Sehun lifts enough for Jongin to reach down and coat himself, stroking hard flesh with fast pumps. He's been so used to watching Sehun in a static hologram that instinct takes over and it’s Sehun who has to stop him from coming on his own.

That’s right. Sehun is right here and Jongin barely has time to brace himself before he’s sinking down on Jongin’s cock. The noise that escapes Jongin’s throat is loud and his eyes roll back in his head, fingers dipping into the crevices of Sehun's hips. Nothing compares to this feeling - to Sehun.

They rock together slowly, Sehun moving Jongin's hands off his hips to tangle their fingers together and press them back into the duvet. Their mouths almost meet, Jongin inhaling everything Sehun breathes out. He can't pull his gaze from Sehun’s face above him, from the damp hair sticking to his forehead and the way his lips almost seem to tremble every time Jongin slowly lifts to slide his cock in further.

Nothing is rushed and everything is savored. They don't get to do this as often as they'd like. Jongin treasures every second he gets to spend proving to Sehun over and over how much he loves him. His heart aches and swells and their rocking becomes thrusting, the heat of their actions spurring them to go _harder, faster_. Sehun's always been a quiet lover, soft sighs of contentment passing through wet lips and the occasional hitch in his breathing that often ends with a whine or whimper. Jongin considers it a personal victory every time he manages to make him let slip something louder.

Sehun whispers his name before leaning down that last little bit to mold their lips together. It's hard to breathe when it feels as if Sehun is trying to swallow him down. Jongin moans into his mouth as their movements continue speeding up. Sehun’s body jerks every time Jongin slams his hips up until they're forced to break apart. Sehun buries his face in Jongin's neck and bites down on his sensitive skin to force a low moan into the air. It's going to be over very soon and despite the throbbing need to release, Jongin doesn't want this to stop. He wants to submerge into Sehun and never come up for air; he desires to fill his lungs with the scent of Sehun’s hair and Sehun’s breath, everything that is Sehun. Maybe this is more than love.

His name tumbles from Sehun's lips like a prayer when he reaches his climax. That is more than enough stimulation for Jongin to come. Their hips stutter and they grind against each other, each roll meant to heighten and draw out the pleasure until neither can move. Sweaty and sated, Sehun nuzzles further into Jongin's hold as if he means to stay nestled there for a nap. Jongin's alright with this, wrapping arms around a thin waist and pressing a kiss onto his slick forehead with a smile.

"I missed this," he mumbles as he runs fingers up and down the ridges of Sehun's spine. He feels the goosebumps flourish over his skin and Sehun shivers in his hold.

"Sex? Or me?" he asks teasingly, looking up at Jongin through those long eyelashes.

"Both," he answers after a moment's thought. "But mostly you."

Sehun stretches like a cat, muscles tensing and pushing Jongin out of him finally before he moves in for a soft kiss. "You wouldn't miss me if I was with you," he comments casually enough, but Jongin knows better than to let his tone lull him into a false sense of security. Sehun is serious and Jongin pushes him away so he can sit up, ignoring the uncomfortable stickiness still saturating into the skin of his stomach.

"Don't start," he says in warning and Sehun's lips thin into a line. "We've talked about this."

"No, I talk and you tune me out because you're a stubborn asshole," Sehun huffs.

"Fuck, Sehun," Jongin spits out, hating how Sehun flinches from him. "It's dangerous out there. I've _told_ you."

"And yet you manage to always make it back in one piece!"

"For _you_ , yes! But that doesn't mean the next time I'll be so lucky. People are _dying_ out there. Stick to your books."

Sehun scoots back off the bed with watery eyes and Jongin knows he should have been nicer, but he needs to understand. The last thing Jongin ever wants is to put the person he loves in danger and space is a very dangerous place even without the pirates raiding every vessel they come across. It's only a matter of time before Jongin's luck runs out and damned if he'll let Sehun be there when it happens. He stands, walking toward Sehun who pushes him away with a rough hand on his chest.

"Go shower," Sehun instructs, trying to hide his face as he plucks a towel from the floor. "You stink."

With a resigned sigh, Jongin heads for the bathroom and lets the door shut with a soft click behind him. The argument isn't over - will probably never be over until Sehun gets his way - but he's keeping his foot down on this. Sehun can maneuver himself into getting anything he wants except going off-planet.

Jongin stands under the hot water, letting it pelt against his scalp and burn its way down his body. It relaxes his muscles and reminds him how tired he is now that the adrenaline of being home is all but gone and his body is nearing its limit. He takes his time washing, inhaling the humidity and relishing the ability to slow down. In his ship, as much as he enjoys being out there in the expanse of space, his showers are limited to the three minutes it takes for him to do the necessities and get out. There's no time to lean back against the tiles and allow hot water to pour over his skin when he's focused solely on his mission.

His limbs feels heavy when he finally steps out. He trudges out into the cooler air after drying and wraps the damp towel around his waist. He needs to sleep, let his body recuperate before moving about too much, but he wants to see Sehun first. He’s at the kitchen counter, busy cooking something that smells divine. Jongin comes up behind him, circling his waist with his arms and leaning his chin on Sehun's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he says lowly before kissing what he can reach of Sehun’s cheek.

Sehun spins in his arms, food abandoned for the moment so he can press their mouths together. "Me too." He rests his lanky arms on Jongin’s shoulders and Jongin smiles at him, nudging their noses together before kissing him again and again. The war on this topic isn't done, but he's happy that at least the battle is over and things can go back to normal. "You need to sleep," Sehun reminds him.

"Come with me," Jongin whines, attempting to tug Sehun back to the bed. Sehun keeps his knees locked and feet grounded against Jongin's insistent pulling as he at least fakes trying to think it over.

"Only because you're so needy," Sehun finally says. He reaches around to turn off the stove and move the pan off the heat before letting Jongin guide him to bed. They fall onto the mattress and Sehun curls into Jongin, who falls asleep only seconds after his head hits the pillow.

 

It’s always disorienting waking up in a soft bed with another body the first night after he gets home. He’s so used to the humming of the engines and the narrow plank that has the nerve to call itself his mattress. His mind takes a minute to catch up, swimming in the memories of the day as a lazy smile spreads across his lips. Sehun is still in his arms and it’s now dark outside. Jongin’s sleep schedule is screwed all to hell and he’s managed to pull Sehun along for the ride.

Jongin shifts around, slowly pulling his arm out from underneath Sehun. He can’t feel it anymore. The pins and needles attack not long after and Sehun wakes up from being jostled.

“Jongin?” he asks in the cutest, sleep muddled voice. “What are you doing? I was using that.” Sehun makes to grab his tingling arm and Jongin rolls out of range, and nearly off the bed in the process. “Don’t go that way,” Sehun mumbles and Jongin wonders if he’s even really awake because he’s pawing at the blankets and blindly reaching in his direction. Eventually, he makes it to Jongin, who is now watching in amusement. He sinks his fingers into the soft flesh of Jongin’s side and attempts to pull him back over to the middle of the bed. Jongin allows himself to be fluffed like a pillow before Sehun stretches against him and falls asleep with one leg thrown over his waist and his face nuzzled in his neck.

It takes a little while, but Jongin falls into slumber again with fingers tangled in Sehun’s hair and blankets pooled around their feet.

The next time he wakes is because the sun is beaming down on his face and it burns through his lids. Jongin whines as he rubs his palms against his eyes and rolls to hide under a pillow. It’s only then when he realizes Sehun isn’t there. A hand darts out to feel around the bed and Jongin peeks out from under the pillow when there isn’t even a warm spot.

It still takes him another ten minutes before he ventures out of bed, pulling on a pair of pants before shuffling into the kitchen. There’s a note on the refrigerator and he grins at the crudely drawn smiley face on the bottom. _Your breakfast is in the oven._

Jongin presses a small button on the side of the appliance to erase the message. His finger glides over the screen, drawing a wobbly looking heart with _J &S_ printed in the middle. Sehun will roll his eyes at the cheesy gesture when he sees it, but Jongin knows it’s these little things Sehun loves most.

The quiet inside the apartment is different than the quiet in his ship. There’s no constant vibrations running through his feet or purring of engines humming in his ears. It’s all sleek metal appliances that give off no noise and he’s never felt more alone. Sehun is at one of his classes and Jongin knows he was lucky that Sehun had missed yesterday’s lectures for him. If there’s anything in this world Sehun loves unconditionally, it’s knowledge. He drinks in books and articles and lectures like a child who can’t get enough. Jongin doesn’t understand how his head doesn’t explode from all those facts and figures and dates. But he does indulge, and his job transporting goods from Earth to Titan is to pay for Sehun being a career student. Besides, piloting is all Jongin’s ever been good at.

The morning is spent on their small couch, eyes trained on the wall where a news feed broadcasts up-to-date information on the comings and goings of the world. Jongin is only sort of paying attention, enjoying the taste and texture of real food in favor of the freeze-dried and canned goods he’d been living on for months. He’s playing catch-up with recent events, but mostly on any changes with the standoff between the government and the pirates or any other situations that may affect his job.

Sadly, the government is still doing what it does best - nothing.

He snorts as they begin discussing the construction progress of the new shipyard being built on the moon. More ships aren’t going to solve anything if there are no pilots left to fly them. The threat will still be there and soon it will close in on the planet. Where will the bureaucrats and politicians be then? Hiding in a bunker deep underground most likely.

Jongin turns off the screen, a little disgusted with the lack of progress, and slumps into the cushions to relax. It’s nice being able to do nothing, laze about because there’s no equipment malfunctions or space debris trying to push itself through the engines or course recalculations. It’s him and the furniture.

He misses Sehun. The furniture doesn’t talk back.

The silence is too much and the television is turned on once again if only to fill the apartment with ambient static. He busies himself with laundry; the first load is his own clothing that’s taken to faintly smelling of grease and various other chemicals. After tossing them in to be steam dried, Jongin starts on Sehun’s laundry which is patterned across the floor of their bedroom and heaped in the corner of the bathroom. He’s hopeless. The dresser drawers are mostly empty and he tsks under his breath when he fills them again.

It’s late in the afternoon when Sehun stumbles in the door, tripping over his own feet in his haste to get off his shoes and throw himself at Jongin after tossing his books onto the couch. It makes Jongin laugh, and he kisses Sehun over and over as he pushes him back toward the small bedroom. Jongin’s elbow knocks against the door frame and his whine is muffled in Sehun’s mouth.

“Missed you,” Sehun mumbles through their kisses.

Jongin hooks his fingers in the loops of Sehun’s jeans and pulls him down as they fall onto the mattress. It feels like heaven all over again as he flips Sehun over to map his familiar body with calloused fingers and the knowledge that he can take his time. The need to be together is there, underneath every touch, kiss, and press of their bodies, but it’s far less rushed. Clothes come off when they get in the way - shedding Sehun of his shirt when Jongin’s mouth wants to progress below jutting collarbones and removing his pants next after he leaves a series of reddening bruises against the pale flesh just above his hips. Sehun is more hurried in his movements, tugging at fabric until Jongin lifts away to discard the item just so his boyfriend stops whining. Jongin silences him with a trail of his tongue up the inside of his left thigh, Sehun now sucking in a deep breath that he holds until Jongin grips the base of his cock and stretches his lips around it.

The shuddered moan Sehun lets out is music to Jongin’s ears and he hums, relishing in the sound that repeats with every bob of his head and twist of his wrist. Long fingers thread through Jongin’s hair, petting his scalp affectionately before balling into fists when he hollows his cheeks and sucks hard. Sehun’s hips jerk up and Jongin takes it, letting his boyfriend shallowly thrust into his mouth as he continues with enthusiasm. His own arousal is throbbing hot and heavy between his legs and he would reach down to relieve some of the pressure if he wasn’t intent on keeping both hands on Sehun. It isn’t long before he’s being pulled away, the sharp tug on his scalp not unwelcome. Sehun has them face to face before swinging his weight around to pin Jongin to the bed with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Jongin has always had this need to be in control of a situation, a commanding instinct that’s programmed into who he is. So when he spreads his legs and lets Sehun slip lube coated fingers into him, it’s Jongin giving up a part of himself. He doesn’t know if Sehun really understands how much it takes to let himself go, allow someone else to take the reigns. Jongin’s never been able to do it with anyone but him.

Thin digits slowly work him open as Jongin clings to the headboard and tries not to seem too needy when Sehun crooks his fingers enough to leave him gasping. They don’t do this often and actions become drawn out. Sehun trails kisses over his stomach and up to his chest, teasing nipples with his teeth as Jongin breathes out low moans. Words form and die just as quickly, mind and body disconnected while he holds on to the last pieces of himself.

Sehun rocks into him carefully, cock slick and hard, and Jongin has fingers pressing deep into the flesh of his boyfriend’s thighs. Everything already feels as if it’s too much, yet he only wants more. Jongin rolls his hips and Sehun gasps, falling onto his elbows so their mouths are within reach. They kiss softly through the languid motions of Sehun sliding in and out, noises muffled and breathing labored.

And as with all things involving Sehun in charge, it becomes heated quickly. His hips snap forward quicker and harder, sending Jongin further up the mattress. Hands grip Jongin’s hips and bring him back down, Sehun now on his knees, tongue sticking out in concentration and brow furrowed as he pushes into his boyfriend over and over. Sehun’s never been particularly elegant or rhythmic in his thrusting, but it’s still enough to bring Jongin closer and closer to the edge.

He doesn’t call out Sehun’s name when he comes, but Jongin is clinging to him, thighs shaking and mouth searching for contact. Sehun kisses him hard, hips still rocking steadily until he finishes a minute later. Jongin groans when he feels Sehun’s cock pulsing and he clenches around him, enjoying the stuttered moans that slip through kiss swollen lips.

When everything stills, sticky bodies pressed together and chests heaving to take in enough air finally slowing to normal, Sehun carefully peels himself away. He’s smiling and Jongin falls a little further.

 

The sun is shining down, not a cloud in the sky and Jongin brings an arm up to shade his eyes. Sehun is at his side, swinging their linked hands wildly as he pulls a reluctant Jongin further into the nature-friendly area. It’s crowded, but it’s to be expected on a perfect day like today. Jongin craves the shade of the trees in the distance, but Sehun seems intent on dragging him further into the light with a smile on his face that makes him look like an eager child. So, he indulges and stops putting up a fight, enjoying the fresh air for once instead of feeling exposed.

The park is full of families, of mothers and fathers and children running around with shrill laughter and shouted orders to keep in sight. Jongin can’t help but smile, watching two boys kicking a black and white checkered ball through the grass with tangling feet. Memories of when he’d used to do the same thing with the kids from the neighborhood flit through his mind and he wonders when he grew up and became so jaded. As a child, all he wanted was to be a famous football player, to walk onto a large grass field and hear the buzzing of the electrical nets and roar of the crowd. The feeling of the dome lifting, of being high in the air before the whistle sounded is what set off his love for flying. A love of football turned into the dream of piloting his own ship and now that he has it, what’s left?

Jongin’s eyes trail over the expanse of Sehun’s back, of the white material of his shirt pulled tight over his sharp shoulder blades and dipping over the ridges of his spine. Sehun turns and grins at him, pointing at a cluster of people chasing after the boys before they get too close to the pond. They witness the kids being plucked off the grass just before they can follow the ball into the water. The men hold them close before setting them down and sending them in the opposite direction. Jongin feels as if he’s intruding on something personal when they kiss, hands brushing before they turn to rescue the ball.

Sehun’s looking at Jongin with an expression he can’t decipher. “You think that’ll be us in ten years?” he asks quietly and the question makes Jongin’s heart race.

“Old men?” he teases and Sehun squeezes his hand. Jongin sighs heavily and stares at the family. “Kids, huh?”

Sehun has an almost pained look on his features before he schools it into something more neutral. “Don’t you want kids?”

“I’m not saying I don’t,” he begins, fearing Sehun will assume the worst. “We’ve just never talked about it before. That’s all.”

“I want kids,” Sehun says resolutely and the firm set of his jaw gives away how nervous he is.

Jongin turns and pulls him close, kissing him gently and cupping his face with his free hand. “We can have as many kids as you want.” Sehun kisses him hard, lips smashed together with no room to breathe.

“If only you can keep your feet on the ground.”

 

It’s midday when he gets the call, lounging in his pajama pants and nothing else. His hair is a mess and there are probably crumbs from lunch on his chest, but he doesn’t care. With the press of a button, Chanyeol’s face appears on the screen in place of some mindless forecast on the weather. He takes one look at Jongin and wrinkles his nose.

“Did you mean to hit video?” he asks, eyeing Jongin up and down. Jongin merely shrugs and scratches his stomach, stretching out on the furniture further. Chanyeol clears his throat. “Your next assignment is ready. The car is downstairs.” Jongin sits up in mild surprise. “You did shower today, right?”

Chanyeol’s image disappears and the scathing look on Jongin’s face is directed at an overly perky blonde discussing possible afternoon showers instead. Normally, he’s the one who lets them know when he needs a car, so this is a bit unusual. Rushing into his room, he pulls out his freshly cleaned company uniform. Dressing quickly, he only has time to run fingers through his hair and steal a glance in the mirror before he’s out the door. Keeping the people who pay him waiting is never a good idea. The sleek black vehicle is just outside the door and Jongin climbs in. This car is an upgrade from the one he’d been taken home in - a robot driver replaced with a simple screen showing a map of the city and the route to their destination. The car hitches, jerking him back a little before sliding onto the track, speeding off and toward downtown.

It seems the company doesn’t spare any expense, continuously upgrading to the newest thing on the market. He supposes they can afford it seeing as they run almost everything in the country. Even the colony is a product of EXO despite the reassurances that it’s under government control. The board of directors holds every politician in office in the palm of their hand. The public knows and they know the public knows, but no one outright says it. It stays buried in turn of phrase and skewed news stories.

Not that it matters much because they’re not doing anything wrong. EXO was the company that built a shipyard on the moon and began producing vessels capable of spanning the solar system faster than anyone had ever thought. And Jongin likes working for them even if he could use a raise.

The car pulls up to the building and Chanyeol is opening his door before Jongin can reach the handle. “At least you look more presentable,” he says and Jongin merely scowls.

“You didn’t give me much warning.”

“Sorry.” But he doesn’t sound it.

They walk into the building together, sensors scanning over them both before they’re allowed into the lobby. The arches of steel over his head were once a thing of wonder, and he would stare up at the way the metal bent and twisted hundreds of feet up before curving back down. Now he’s so used to it that his eyes don’t even cast a glance upward. There’s no excitement anymore. No thrill.

“I managed to get a nice run for you this time,” Chanyeol states the moment the door to the soundproof office shuts. The room is white and pristine and Jongin always feels dirty when they come in here. Chanyeol walks to the far wall and presses in his information on the keypad as Jongin sits in one of the two chairs - also white. A thin strip of wall opens and Chanyeol takes out the tablet and hands it to Jongin before sitting.

Upon powering it on, he’s greeted with the faces of two men and he looks up at Chanyeol in shock. “People?”

Chanyeol’s grin looks like its about to split open his face. “Told you it was nice.”

It’s more than nice. Taking people out to Titan is a substantial raise in pay, not to mention the upgrades.

“You’ll still have supplies for the colonists, of course,” he explains, crossing his legs and settling back in the chair. “But those two will be your primary cargo along with the two men you’ll be bringing back.”

Jongin scrolls down to the next page and sees a far younger looking Joonmyun staring back at him along with Baekhyun, a doctor he had the misfortune of needing to see once. There may have been a tiff with one of the staff when they kicked the side of his ship. It’ll definitely be a change having passengers during the journey. He only hopes they’re not particularly chatty.

Another scroll down and he sees the list of approved upgrades to his ship. Jongin chokes on his spit and looks up at Chanyeol with wide eyes. “All this?”

“No offense, Jongin,” Chanyeol starts and Jongin scowls. “But your ship isn’t exactly top of the line.”

Several insults bubble up, the majority of them being directed at Chanyeol’s ears, but he keeps quiet. His ship is a matter of pride, but the mild insult is nothing to get riled up over - not when Chanyeol’s managed to get him something this nice. He sends a mental wave of affection instead, because voicing it aloud would only bolster Chanyeol’s already bloated ego.

Jongin hands the tablet back to Chanyeol. The sensitive information of their missions and assignments is dangerous in the wrong hands and it stays locked up tight until his departure. Chanyeol gives him a casual salute that’s probably only semi-mocking his pilot position before Jongin gets in the car and makes the journey home.

Opening the door, Jongin hears banging in the kitchen. “If you wanted to go out, you could have waited for - oh.” Sehun comes into view and his eyes trail over Jongin’s uniform. “So soon?”

Jongin gives him a shaky smile because it’s a bit unfair how little time they’re getting this time around. “I’ve got another week before I go,” he informs his boyfriend who’s now looking more akin to a kicked puppy. “It’s a rare opportunity and the pay is better,” he tries to explain, but he’s now talking to an empty space. Sehun’s back in the kitchen and the banging is louder.

It isn’t as if Sehun doesn’t have a good excuse to be upset, but it still manages to rub Jongin the wrong way. He’s going out there and risking his life for Sehun to pay for his never-ending school fees and to keep a roof over his head. It’s more money than he’d make down here given his limited skill set. Sure, he could ask the company to bump him down to test pilot or even a simulator monkey, but then _he’d_ be the miserable one and either the apartment or the schooling would have to go.

He sighs and kicks off his shoes by the door. The black suit feels stifling and there was a time when Sehun couldn’t keep his hands off Jongin when he saw it, but now it’s a painful reminder of their impending separation. Jongin has the jacket off, slung over the back of the couch when the call comes in. The steady beeping continues until Jongin answers.

Amber’s smiling face greets him on the screen and Jongin can see her practically vibrating with glee. “Isn’t it ass o’clock in the morning for you?” he asks, noticing the dark bags underneath her eyes. She shrugs it off and holds up the tablet in her hands.

“Looks like I finally get to have my way with your girl.”

“Don’t you do anything sneaky with her. She’s sensitive.”

Amber puts a hand over her heart, exaggerated shock painted on her features. “I would never!”

“I heard what you did to Yifan’s ship,” he informs her. “She _stays_ within legal parameters.”

“My modifications to Yifan’s ship were all within government regulation.”

“A ship that big isn’t supposed to move that fast.”

A bright grin breaks out across her face. “Scared the shit out of him. You should have seen his face.”

“How about you go get some rack time before you open up my baby,” he suggests. “For her sake and yours.” It’s a thinly veiled threat, but Jongin is aware Amber knows how precious his ship is to him. His father had sunk every credit to his name into a side account so Jongin could buy her as soon as he passed his flight course. Jongin still had to take out a hefty loan, but she was worth it.

Amber promises and the screen goes black.

The silence that follows hurts and Jongin takes off the rest of his uniform before it further incites Sehun’s wrath. He tries not to let it get to him, but he has to stop and lean against the wall to pull himself together. Sometimes he wonders if Sehun understands that it’s painful for him too.

Jongin walks into the kitchen and Sehun brushes past, not stopping when their shoulders collide. He doesn’t say anything and Jongin only watches as he walks out of the apartment. It’s no use going after him when he’s this way. Sehun blocks out anything unrelated to what he wants to hear and Jongin isn’t in the best state of mind to try and talk him down through it. So he stands at the counter and picks at the food Sehun left for him. The chicken is dry and the rice is hard even with gravy soaking through the grains, but he eats as much as he can stomach and cleans up the aftermath.

The sun goes down and Jongin gives up his silent vigil on the couch and goes to bed. There’s a sick feeling twisting in the pit of his stomach and he fights it down so he can sleep. He burrows in the blankets and hugs his pillow, leaving Sehun’s side of the bed untouched in the hopes he’ll swan in the room at any moment with a stupid apologetic look on his face.

He eventually falls into a fitful sleep that's soon interrupted.

Jongin smells the alcohol on Sehun’s breath before he opens his eyes to find tear tracks racing down Sehun’s face. He doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, but it’s enough to where he’s slow to catch up and his brain can’t quite figure out why Sehun is crying and clinging to him. Sehun is mumbling and fighting to get under the blankets and Jongin helps him untangle the sheets from his feet so he can slide in. Sehun nuzzles into Jongin’s neck and Jongin wraps arms around him and rubs his back. The grip Sehun has around his chest and legs is tight, but he endures.

“I just got you back,” Sehun sobs and Jongin holds him closer.

 

They don’t fight again, but it’s still there, lingering in the background and eating away at moments that shouldn’t be somber, but are. Jongin cherishes Sehun with every breath and is secretly thankful when he skips all his classes to stay at home. They get to do things together they haven’t been able to do in years.

Jongin groans and pretends to escape when Sehun wrestles him onto the couch and pins him down with his legs. Sehun is leaning against the arm with Jongin settled between his legs, hooking their ankles so he can read to him. It wouldn’t be as much of an issue if he were reading something Jongin finds interesting like the specs on the newest hull platings or calibrations for engine burns. But Sehun’s intent on fumbling his way through the history of the last great war. They’re all taught about it in school, but aside from the big things - the destruction of the Americas and the unification of the lands under one government in an effort to prevent the end of humanity - the rest is a forgotten blur. Jongin doesn’t care about dwindling religion and terraforming efforts to make irradiated soil usable again. Although he does enjoy the rumble of Sehun’s chest and the breath that caresses down the side of his neck with each word.

He could do without being pushed off the couch after falling asleep though.

Jongin also rediscovers his penchant for charring all food to the bottom of their non-stick pots. They both look down at the brown and black mass that used to be noodles and Sehun shakes his head. “Leave it to you to break the unbreakable. How do you ever get by without me?”

“Charm and disarming good looks?”

"Hopeless," Sehun mutters as he fills the pot with water.

"Good thing I'll always have you then." Sehun knocks Jongin off guard by spinning and kissing him hard enough to send them both stumbling back a few steps. "What was that for?"

"Being you."

 

Their last night together doesn't really sneak up on Jongin because it's been at the edge of his mind the entire week, forcing him to notch the days off one by one. However it doesn't make it feel any less sudden. He raises a hand from the bed and smooths over the furrow between Sehun's eyebrows. "What?"

They lay face to face on the blankets, heads propped on arms and plans for the evening already forgotten. Sehun shifts a little closer and pulls Jongin's hand back over so he can lace their fingers. "Memorizing."

A smirk tugs at the corner of Jongin's mouth. "You should be sick of my face by now."

Sehun hums and graces Jongin with a sweet smile that makes his heart race. "You always look different when you come home," he whispers. "Like you left a little more of yourself out there."

Jongin's heart lurches and he brings their joined hands to his lips, pressing kisses to each of Sehun's fingers. "How can I leave anything out there when you have all of me?" The line normally would have had Sehun mocking his cheesiness and slapping against his chest in embarrassment, but not this time. There's a solemn atmosphere encroaching in the space between them, filling Jongin with a sense of dread.

"Do I?"

Jongin pushes Sehun onto his back before laying over him, intent on ridding him of any doubts. Sehun looks up at him with pleading eyes, bottom lip in his teeth and breathing a little heavier. He brushes a thumb over the high rise of Sehun's cheek and sighs. "I'd be nothing without you," he confesses. "My body belongs to you." A kiss lands on Sehun's forehead. "My heart beats for you." Another kiss, this time on the tip of his nose. "My mind thinks only of you."

Sehun meets him halfway, mouth open and tongue slipping between lips as he grips against the fabric of Jongin’s shirt. "I'll always want you," Jongin says when they part. "I'll always need you."

"I love you so much," Sehun whimpers and Jongin kisses him over and over. Each one is a little harder, desperation spilling out as they move together. Fingers pull at Jongin's hair and thighs press against his sides. He gasps into Sehun's mouth when hips lift to meet his.

"You drive me crazy."

"Stop talking," Sehun demands, already breathless and flush as he pulls Jongin down again.

Jongin makes love to Sehun with a tenderness neither of them are accustomed to. Even when the desire to dig into each other’s skin has faded, they’ve never had a moment such as this. Jongin trails his fingertips over Sehun’s sweat-slick skin, dragging over bone and muscle and pressing deep when Jongin thrusts forward slowly to open Sehun further. He greedily drinks in Sehun’s curved form arching off the mattress and Jongin can’t keep his hands away. He holds Sehun’s waist and his thrusts may be harder and faster, but it’s not a race to the finish line. Jongin wants to hang on to this moment forever, sear it into his mind because there may never be another like it.

He doesn’t know why tears prick at the corners of his eyes when their bodies are spent and coming down from the high, but he holds Sehun in his arms and doesn’t let go.

 

The mirror is fogged and Jongin wipes a stripe of condensation away to properly see himself. His hair is still dripping, wetting skin he’d already dried and rolling down to soak into the towel wrapped around his waist. It’s pink - Sehun’s favorite color - and he tries not to think of how that very shade had stained Sehun’s cheeks the night before. It’ll only make it harder to leave.

Sehun’s still perched on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, head hanging low, and bare chest exposed to the chill of the morning air. Jongin dresses in his uniform and double checks his bag to make sure he has everything. The list rattles off in his head and he mouths along until he’s satisfied everything’s there. All that’s left are his shoes by the door.

Words choke off in his throat when the swell of a sob tries to force its way up. He stares at Sehun’s silhouette, still the same and remembers the way he’d hugged him right after the alarm went off. Sehun had begged for just a little longer, shaking and mumbling until Jongin pried himself away to shower. Guilt already pools in his chest and Jongin reaches out to touch Sehun, but his hand drops when the man flinches away.

“I’ll be back,” he says, seeing if it’ll earn him a reaction. It doesn’t. “I love you.”

Jongin slips on his shoes, hoists his bag over his shoulder, and walks out the door.

 

A wide pair of innocent eyes have been staring intently at Jongin for the past five minutes. It’s a little worrying. He’s not sure if he should fear for his life or squish the man’s cheeks. Chanyeol is busy talking to someone from the company and he’s standing to the side as Jongin tries to act casual around the two people he’s going to be stuck with for the next five weeks. It doesn’t help that they’re inside the building, waiting for the shuttle to the moon with other people fluttering around and occasionally bumping Jongin closer to his passengers. He offers them another smile which they weakly return. They both book a little sick and he wonders if they’ve ever been off the surface of the planet before.

Then he hopes neither of them will get sick all over the inside of his ship and he takes a small step back.

Luhan, the scientist with pink hair and features that can almost be called delicate, is clutching the other man who seems to be taking it all in stride. Jongin scrapes his eyes over Minseok from head to toe, from auburn hair to the run-of-the-mill dress shoes on his feet. He’s cute and the pair of them are at least visually appealing enough to keep him entertained even if he’s not interested.

Chanyeol rejoins their party, happily leading the doctor and scientist toward the loading bay as Jongin trails behind. He’s holding out for Sehun showing up to at least see him off even if he’s still pissed. Stumbling over his feet a few times, Jongin finally stops watching the entrance. He focuses on the weight of the mission tablet being pressed into his hand and Chanyeol clapping him on the shoulder for luck.

“Try not to die out there,” Chanyeol tosses out and Jongin rolls his eyes. The other two, however, look worried and Jongin sends them a teasing wink before they board the shuttle. Jongin tosses one final look over his shoulder, hoping to see a familiar head of blond scurrying through the crowd, but he's left disappointed.

The trip from Earth to the moon is always more pleasant than the one back down - less flames. Jongin watches as Luhan fumbles with his safety harness and Minseok has to lean over and do it for him. It’s adorable seeing them floundering around like fish out of water. Jongin remembers when he was like that, only he didn’t have someone beside him to hold his hand. He had a flight instructor who was more likely to eject him out the back hatch than baby him.

The view from the windows is breathtaking; Luhan and Minseok both gape at the visible land masses under swirling cloud cover. He feels an odd sense of pride in their reaction, almost as if he’s the cause of it and not the varying shades of blues and greens. Sitting back in his seat, Jongin keeps a stupid grin on his face the entire ride.

Luhan stumbles down the ramp and Minseok is there to keep him on his feet despite his own difficulties with adjusting to the gravity levels. “Put a little bounce in your step,” Jongin advises. “It’ll help.”

Jongin has to make several stops on the way to his ship, going back to tug on Luhan and Minseok so they keep moving and quit slowing to gawk at everything in awe. They have a schedule to maintain and he’s anxious to get out there. Normally he’d be a little more sympathetic to their reactions, but the sooner they leave, the quicker he’ll be back in Sehun’s arms. He’s still nervous about how they left things and if this was a mission he could afford to turn down, he would. He's good at what he does and there will always be a job for him. Sehun will see that eventually.

There are two identical gasps behind him and Jongin smirks, letting the men admire his ship as they make their way through the hangar. Amber is jogging toward him, a childish grin on her face as she waves around the tablet in her hand.

“She’s ready to go, Captain,” she says, only a little out of breath. Her uniform is covered in grease, sleeves tied around her waist so only her white undershirt is showing. There’s grime on that too.

“You didn’t pull an all nighter to get her ready, did you?” Jongin is worried, especially with how much thinner her face looks.

“Several, but they paid me for it.” Jongin looks at her skeptically. The idea of her working on his ship whilst possibly tired and not thinking to the best of her abilities isn’t comforting. “Don’t worry, pretty boy. She’s perfect.”

“If we go up in a ball of fire, I’m haunting you for the rest of your miserable, overworked life.”

“My life is far from miserable.” Amber winks and Jongin chuckles. “You really need to get her painted now though.”

Jongin turns and looks at the private class ship to his right and notices how odd she really looks. She’s a hodge podge of old and new, shiny versus dull and paint chipped. He wrinkles his nose. That’ll be the first thing he does when he gets home. It doesn’t particularly matter what his ship looks like in space, but it’s a matter of pride. “Give me the name of the place when I get back?”

“Sure thing.”

And Amber’s off, hopefully going to get some sleep because she’s only three steps away when she trips over her own feet and windmills her arms to stay up. If they’d been on Earth, the gravity would have had her face planting and Jongin snorts in amusement at the visual his mind supplies.

"Ready to see where you'll be spending the next five weeks of your life?" he asks the two passengers who had been continuously examining the hangar and all the ships inside. Jongin's sad to say his baby girl isn't the largest, but she does her job and that's all he needs. They nod and he leads the way, shoes heavy on the metal ramp that leads to the open hatch door.

"To the left is the cockpit," he informs them as he gestures down the narrow hall once they’ve stepped inside. "That's usually where you can find me."

Luhan and Minseok peer down fruitlessly because there's a closed hatch in the way. Jongin takes a right and they follow, shuffling behind. The ship was built to comfortably fit five yet be crewed by one, which is usually how it goes. So while Jongin may feel stifled maneuvering through familiar turns, it's not cramped. As they pass by the first compartment doors in succession on the left, Jongin casually announces how very off limits they are. The last thing Jongin needs is one of them attempting to enter the engine room when they're mid-trip.

They keep traveling, Jongin glancing back to make sure they’re keeping up. He nearly has a heart attack when Luhan reaches out to touch a panel on the wall, fingers almost brushing against the buttons. “What’s this for?"

“Part of the comm system,” he explains. “They’re all over the ship. If you ever need to call me, press the red button. If I call you, press blue.” Both men nod in understanding and Jongin wonders if they’ll actually remember. With a motion of his head, they continue their walk.

"This is the galley." It's at the end of the hall, an open room with a table that can fit six and appliances to cook the rations that aren't dehydrated. Sadly, there were no upgrades to this section and Jongin is going to have to find new ways to cram in all the food so it doesn't spill everywhere. As it stands, there are bins stacked to the side with everything packed inside.

Two halls lead from the galley - one straight back and the other angling to the right. They take the one that goes straight and soon enough they're faced with several more hatches. "These are the quarters. Each can fit two people comfortably if you want to stay together." Jongin looks down at where Luhan is holding on to Minseok's hand in a vice-grip and figures one room will suit them just fine.

"Where do you sleep?" Minseok inquires, noticing the lack of doors further down.

"If I don't fall asleep up front, my quarters are down the other hall. Come on." He slips past them to backtrack to the galley and they follow, bags left behind on the floor. Jongin leads them down the other hall this time, knocking against the low ceiling with his knuckles out of habit. About halfway down he gestures to a door. "This is me." But he doesn't stop walking. Further down and around a corner, Jongin leads them to a room with nothing except a few benches and wide windows. "The observation room."

He proudly steps aside to watch in amusement as they walk to the glass and press against it. The view is nothing right now - only the hangar and all the people milling around, but when they’re in space it’s an entirely different picture. Jongin can’t even remember how many countless hours he's spent just staring out at Jupiter’s ever-changing surface or at nothing at all as he listens to the music he has blasting through the comm.

Jongin gives them a few minutes before getting their attention again. "You two make yourselves at home," Jongin says. "I'll be right back."

Luhan and Minseok exchange a look of trepidation and Jongin leaves them with an encouraging smile. He jogs down the halls and out into the hangar, hurrying his way through people and carts of ship parts until reaching the STC. Kyungsoo's face is visible through the glass and Jongin has to jump and wave his arms like an idiot before the other man notices.

There's a broad smile on Kyungsoo's face when he jumps down to see Jongin, pulling an envelope and another small package out of the inner pocket of his uniform. "Thank you," he says breathless.

Jongin takes them both and hides them in his own uniform. "This is the last time," he informs Kyungsoo and he almost feels guilty at the sadness that overtakes Kyungsoo's features.

"W-why?" he inquires.

"Oops, gotta go." Jongin turns and leaves Kyungsoo there and he knows it's cruel, but all will be forgiven when he returns with Joonmyun. Although he swears he hears, "I hope the pirates dent your hull," coming from the man's mouth before he's out of earshot.

Oh _Kyungsoo_.

Jongin makes sure his passengers are still onboard before closing everything up tight and settling down in the pilot's chair. There's static over the comm as Kyungsoo's voice rings loud and clear. Perhaps too loud because Jongin rips the headset off to keep from going deaf. "Fuck, Soo," he yells and hears the sadistic laughter that follows. Maybe he shouldn't have taunted him.

He’s given approval to take off and he bites his tongue at Kyungsoo’s acidic tone. No need to exacerbate the situation.

"Hold on to something," Jongin says over the loudspeaker. "We're going up."

The alarms that go off in the hangar are loud enough to be heard inside the ship. He's given the all clear and metal walls rise from the floor to surround the vessel before the ceiling opens. With steady hands, Jongin manually takes her up until they clear the large building and make it out of the minimal atmosphere.

The first step of the journey is always the most hands-off, flipping on the auto-pilot until they get too close to the enemy ships that hover around Mars and its path around the sun. They have to maintain a slow pace, though, because of all the traffic in the area. So many ships travel around the perimeter and Jongin’s always been a little annoyed that it takes so long to get from Earth to Mars when it should be exponentially shorter.

Jongin is about to leave the cockpit, door open and one foot out when the comm comes back to life.

"Incoming message," Kyungsoo states and Jongin plugs his tablet into the console to download it just as Luhan and Minseok rush up. They're staring straight out the front, smiling and pointing at the visible stars. It's cute how excited they are.

Jongin, however, is more anxious about the message, hoping that it’s Sehun finally coming around because he already misses his smile.

“Have a safe trip,” Kyungsoo says mechanically and Jongin huffs.

“Cheer up, sunshine, or I won’t bring you back a present.”

Both passengers looks at him curiously and he brushes it off with a wave of his hand. A green light takes the place of red and Jongin disconnects his tablet with a goofy grin on his face. He thinks about taking off to his quarters for some privacy, but he’s too nervous and it’s not as if he cares that the other two are there. If it’s anything too embarrassing for them, they’ll probably leave anyway - that is, if they aren’t too distracted with the view.

Jongin sits in his chair and swivels around to hook his tablet to the holo. A low buzz is followed by another and the fuzzy image of Sehun appears in all its 3D glory. Jongin thinks about reaching out to touch the small image as the projection calibrates until he looks solid. There’s a moment of recognition when he realizes Sehun is in the same position as he was this morning, perched on the edge of the bed without a top, elbows on his knees and head low. He promptly swallows over the knot in his throat, sound coming through to reveal the background sound of the shower.

Sehun recorded this when he was still at home. The holo Sehun moves, his body hunched, but face staring forward now. Stoic.

“You remember that day in the park? You didn’t really want to go, but you did anyway because I asked?” Sehun smiles and licks his lips, and Jongin’s stomach lurches at the tone of his voice - wistful. “I said I wanted kids and you looked so freaked out. I was expecting you to spew off a thousand reasons why we couldn’t. But you said yes.” Sehun is fidgeting with his hands, picking at invisible imperfections. “You shouldn’t have said yes.”

This is all going horribly wrong and Jongin’s fingers grip the side of his seat, knuckles white and eyes wide.

“We’ve had a good run.”

The words slice through Jongin like ice and he whispers a faint, “no,” as holo Sehun licks his lips again and looks at him with teary eyes.

“We’ve been playing at this for too many years and I’ve finally realized that _I’m_ the one holding you back. You belong out there, not in some small ass apartment with a nagging boyfriend trying to keep up.” Sehun sighs and tousles his blond hair. Jongin fights the tight ache now invading his chest because this can’t be happening.

“I’m graduating in a couple weeks.” And Sehun’s sad smile is breathtaking. “Finally. I got offered a job I can’t refuse and it’s . . . it’s far from here. It pays well so you don’t need to worry.” Sehun clenches his jaw, almost as if bracing himself. “I can take care of myself now. So you keep going, Space Cowboy.”

A tear falls down Jongin’s face, trailing over his cheek and catching in the groove by his nose, but he doesn’t notice.

“I won’t be here when you get back, so take care of yourself. Don’t forget to shower and clean the grease from under your nails. And eat well. I know how you skip meals just to get a few more minutes of sleep, but you need to keep healthy. For me.”

The words sound like a contradiction because Jongin being healthy is conditional on Sehun being there every time he gets back.

“I love you, Jongin.”

The holo turns off, leaving the small cabin silent save for the low hum of the engines. Jongin doesn’t register Luhan until he’s in front of him, face looking worried and reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. He jerks away and blinks up, finally seeing the other two and he should probably be ashamed at the warm tears still streaming from his eyes, but he isn’t. He’s numb save for the pain beneath his ribs, throbbing and aching with each beat of his heart.

In one swift move, Jongin is out of his seat, snatching the tablet from the holo. The equipment gives out a shrill beep because he hadn’t shut off the message before disconnecting, but he ignores it. He doesn’t pay attention to the concerned looks of his passengers or of anything save the metal ringing under his feet with every step and his own breathing loud in his ears. He doesn’t stop until he’s in his quarters, sliding down the back of the hatch with his tablet pressed to his chest as if it will make the pain go away. Tears catch at the end of his jaw, dripping slowly down onto his uniform until they soak into the black, leaving no evidence behind of their existence.

A quick flurry of fingers across the screen and Jongin pulls up Sehun’s call again. It’s flat and less real, but the words hurt just the same the second time he listens. And the third. By the fourth, Jongin is shaking and sobs wrack through his body, wreaking havoc until he’s on his side and the tablet is somewhere across the room.

 

Seven years of dedication and unconditional love are enough to make any man fall to his knees and weep for what he’s lost. But for Jongin, it’s so much more than that. Jongin was merely a solitary planet, trapped in orbit around a star that was too blinding and deadly for him to resist. From their first shy glances to the last night they spent together, Jongin regrets nothing except his own inability to keep Sehun by his side. His heart bleeds, spilling memories of their years together onto the floor in a messy puddle of tears.

He opens the hatch and nearly trips over the tray of food left out for him. Either Luhan or Minseok seem intent on keeping him fed despite his constant nausea and disinterest in anything remotely healthy. It’s been six days - six very long days where his mind swims in turmoil as his eyes stare blankly out into the deep dark of space. If not for his need to perform minor course corrections and inform his passengers how to handle the appliances in the galley, he doesn’t think he would have moved from the room.

The vastness of space. He can get lost in it and it’s more tempting than ever to do just that. He’s finally stopped replaying Sehun’s message - finally stopped waiting for a new message saying he hadn’t meant to send it and it was all a mistake. He knows there won’t be one coming. Sehun’s not the type to jump into a decision without weighing every pro and con and balancing the scales. And obviously Jongin’s side had been found lacking.

The tray is kicked aside and Jongin slides a cigarette between his lips. There's no danger of nicotine staining his insides with cancer - the tobacco genetically engineered and manufactured to do nothing more than fill his lungs with harmless, flavored smoke - but Sehun had always hated the habit. Jongin had quit when Sehun said he preferred how he tasted without the addition of artificial peach or mint. But now Jongin doesn't have a reason not to smoke. He opened the locker under his bed a day ago to reveal the contraband and remembers how he used to sneak one now and again on missions. A flick of his thumb and a flame caresses the end, lighting the cigarette before he flips down the cap and pockets the lighter.

After all, what's humanity without their little vices?

When he plods into the galley, he sees Luhan and Minseok jump apart from their close proximity by one of the far storage units. Nothing's been put away, bins spread over the floor and opened so they can dig through for what they want. It's not like either of them know where the rations are supposed to go and Jongin isn't inclined to care about the mess just yet. Jongin eyes them carefully before dropping his gaze because he doesn't want to witness a budding whatever-the-hell-they-are when his own heart is currently drowning in an acidic mix of salty tears and slicing loneliness.

"Did you eat?" Luhan asks, soft voice carrying through the room and Jongin shrugs one shoulder as a response, leaving them to figure out what it means as he keeps walking. The touch of a hand on his arm has Jongin glaring behind him at a concerned looking Minseok.

"You have to eat," he's told and Jongin doesn't particularly have the strength to fight being dragged back and sat at the table. Minseok plucks the cigarette from his mouth and Luhan slides a tray under his nose.

With a sigh, he stabs what's supposed to pass as a chicken nugget and smothers it in ketchup before popping it in his mouth. It has no taste. A meaningful look passes between the two companions now sitting with him, Minseok at his side and Luhan directly across.

Luhan clears his throat and fidgets in his seat a little. "So, you've been to Titan before?" he inquires in a tone that's too forced for casual even if that's what he was going for.

Jongin swallows and spears another hunk of meat. "Yep."

"What's it like?"

The ketchup looks watered down and he twirls the chicken in the red condiment before answering. "Alien." He's given a piercing stare by both of them. "Beautiful."

Jongin really doesn't have any other way of explaining it. How can he capture the stunning beauty of standing on a frigid moon with the expanse of it's home planet taking up most of the sky, rings creating halos of multiple hues of blues and greens with mere words? It's a cold place to be, even inside the dome, but the foreign rock structures and glistening minerals that seem aglow at night make the below freezing temperatures worth it. In a bizarre way, it reminds him of Sehun. Back when they were both young and stupid, Sehun had walked around with a cold stare and wouldn't smile for anyone until Jongin had cracked the facade and burrowed underneath to see the beauty inside.

"You'll see when we get there," he mumbles before eating his second piece of chicken. He swallows it with difficulty and takes the cigarette back from Minseok. Neither of them go after him when he leaves this time and he prefers it that way.

He closes the hatch behind him and drops in the captain's seat, eyes roaming over the instruments and the navigational computer to make sure they're still flying the right way. And unfortunately for him, everything is perfect the way it is; no glitches or minor calculations to take his mind off things for even a minute. He slumps in the chair and closes his eyes, feeling the weight of swollen lids pressing against stinging optical nerves.

At least he’ll be able to occupy himself with something other than the fissure in his chest when they get a little closer to Mars. The blockade the pirates have up is just on the other side, settled in a grid pattern for their ships to patrol between the planet and the asteroid belt. While most captains are gearing up to maneuver through the asteroids, the pirates swoop in for the attack.

There's less than six hours before he needs to take over, so he slumps in his chair, exhaling a puff of white smoke and then stubbing the rest of the cigarette out. Regrettably, it's not long before he falls asleep and it's only the buzzing of the auto-pilot switching off that pulls him from a dreamless slumber. Blinking furiously, Jongin switches off the alarm and flips up the steering console. Metal scrapes against metal and the hatch door opens, Luhan and Minseok both pouring in and rushing to the front. The taste of peach is thick on his tongue and he doesn’t know if he likes it or not.

"Mars," Minseok breathes, smile wide as he takes in the red planet in front of the ship.

"Why are we so close?"

"Skimming the atmosphere so the gravitational pull hides us," Jongin explains, fingers gripping comfortably on the wheel.

"Is it safe to do that?"

Jongin smirks and leans back in his chair. "If you know what you're doing."

"Do you?" Luhan asks with worry laced through his words.

"Relax. I've been flying this route for years without incident.”

Luhan shuffles closer to Minseok and Jongin resolutely swallows down the jealousy that rears when their fingers link together. He refocuses on the task, edging his ship closer to the atmosphere and there's a brief jolt that makes them bounce when he barely touches it. A triumphant grin spreads across his face. "And you were worried."

But they aren't paying attention to him. Jongin follows their line of sight to the glinting object in the distance - directly in their path. Jongin rapidly turns the engines off so they're propelling with the momentum they've already gained before flipping off all unnecessary systems. They need to be dark because if that's a pirate shuttle, they're screwed.

"Is that - ?" Luhan's question hangs in the air and Jongin doesn't answer. Heavy breathing is the only sound in the cockpit, the air now thick with tension. If they can pass by unnoticed, they stand a chance. Jongin veers them to the side in an attempt to maintain a wide berth.

The comm suddenly crackles to life and all three of them jump. Jongin's heart is beating rapidly in his chest and his grip on the wheel tightens, poised to make a run for it if they have to. If there's a shuttle, the ship it's from is likely to be nearby.

A muffled voice hiding in static comes through the speakers and Jongin adjusts the frequency before it comes in clearer. "Jongin? Please tell me that's your piece of crap I'm seeing."

A nervous laugh relaxes his stiff muscles and Jongin picks up the mic. "What have I told you about calling her a piece of crap? It hurts her feelings."

Yifan's deep laugh is familiar and welcome. Jongin can't help grinning from ear to ear at the sound of it. "My apologies to you and your ship."

"What are you doing slumming it up out here?"

"It'd be a lot easier to explain if you let me dock."

"Then get your ass over here."

"Brace yourself."

Jongin brings his ship to a stop with a soft front thruster burn, careful to keep her just above the atmosphere. He sees the shuttle making its way over and he's out of his seat and in the hall in a flash.

"Is he a friend?"

"Is it a good idea to stop?"

Jongin pays no attention to Luhan and Minseok as they keep asking questions on the way to loading dock two. It’s the closest one to Yifan’s shuttle and he swings the hatch open to the control room with his anxious passengers on his heels. “I suggest moving back if you don’t want to be sucked out the airlock,” Jongin suggests and both men go scurrying out the door. He laughs and slams a hand on the giant red button that extends the platform Yifan will connect to. There’s no _real_ danger, of course, but scaring them brings a little amusement to his otherwise bleak day.

And now all he has to do is wait, resting beside the panel as he listens to the clamps locking on outside the ship. He’s a lot quicker than most people, but Yifan’s ex-military and he can fly circles around Jongin any day of the week while hungover and half-asleep.

Gears whir and the steady hiss of the atmosphere flooding the compartment prompts Jongin to open the far hatch once the light goes green. Yifan steps in - all broad shoulders with blond hair and tattoos that race up his left arm and trickle up and around the back of his neck. It’s nothing Jongin hasn’t seen, but the surprise is the man Yifan has an iron grip on, fingers clamped on a drooping shoulder. The man stumbles when Yifan squeezes and Jongin sees blood spattering against the floor of his ship.

“Good to see you,” Yifan greets, but Jongin is riveted on the mess now puddling on his floor.

“I wish I could say the same, but your friend is staining my floor.”

Yifan sneers down at the small man beside him. “ _Not_ my friend. He’s my hostage.”

“Hostage?!”

And that’s when his passengers rush in, Luhan standing off behind Jongin while Minseok goes to the injured man. Yifan pulls him back, wrenching a pained cry from his chapped lips and Minseok stands to his full height - which is still pretty short - with hands on his hips and a scowl. “I’m a doctor. Let me treat him.”

“He stays with me,” Yifan growls and Jongin has to give it to Minseok for not cowering in front of him. Instead, he raises his eyebrows.

“And will he be of any use to you if he bleeds out?”

Jongin’s smirking and Yifan looks at him in question. “It couldn’t hurt,” he supplies. “Besides, the less of a mess you make, the more likely I am _not_ to make you clean it up.”

“Lead the way then,” Yifan orders and Minseok turns to Jongin who sighs. He doesn’t have a medical bay like some of the bigger ships, but there’s the second passenger quarters being unused and he takes them there. It hadn’t taken him long - even in his distracted state - to notice them sharing the same room. Probably the same bed, but he doesn’t ponder over it.

Yifan pulls a pair of cuffs from his back pocket and as soon as he pushes the hostage on the bed to the left, he uses them to lock the wrist of his uninjured arm to the frame. The man is wheezing and white as a sheet. Yifan steps back when Minseok shoulders passed him to get at the patient with a bag pulled from his own quarters.

They all stand in the room and watch as the doctor cuts away the hostage’s shirt to reveal the hole tearing just beneath his shoulder. Jongin flicks his eyes at Yifan who is watching diligently, a hand hovering over the weapon strapped to his right thigh.

“I need someone to hold him down,” Minseok says after a cursory inspection. Yifan makes to lean down and the doctor stares him down. “ _Not you_.”

Jongin laughs and Luhan rushes to Minseok’s side to aid him with the injured man. Yifan scowls and Jongin laughs harder because no one usually has the gall to stand up to Captain Yifan. With a nod of his head, Yifan leads Jongin out with a hand on his elbow, closing the hatch behind them.

“Is it safe to leave them alone with him?”

Yifan shrugs. “I doubt he can do much with that shoulder.” And he looks proud of that fact.

“Who is he? Stowaway?”

“Pirate.”

Jongin blinks and takes a step back. “You brought a _pirate_ onto my ship?” he hisses.

“I couldn’t very well leave him on the shuttle to bleed out, could I?”

With a sigh of resignation, Jongin runs fingers through his hair and rests his hands on the back of his neck. “Do I get the story? You kind of owe me that.”

“I flew into a trap. Got flanked while I was engaged with the ship in front of me and didn’t see it coming.” Yifan scowls as he crosses his arms over his chest. “They took Ace and the only reason I escaped with my life is because of that hostage.”

Ace is Yifan’s ship and she’s even more precious to him than the Sekai is to Jongin and that’s saying a whole hell of a lot. Jongin shakes his head and curls his toes in his shoes. If pirates are nearby, there’s a chance even his small ship will be found. The last thing he needs is to be boarded. Before, they probably would have only taken the supplies and let him go, but with these new upgrades, he’s a prime target. “Is there a plan in all this?"

Yifan stares intently at Jongin and while the look would make most men uncomfortable, Jongin is used to it. The man always sizes people up and chooses his words carefully. There was a time when they’d been close, but the years - and Sehun - separated them more than Jongin likes.

“Abandon the shuttle with the pirate inside if you’ll let me tag along until we get back to Earth.”

Jongin nods, not even hesitating to agree. “Sounds like the safest bet for all of us. I’m not too keen on getting caught with my pants down.” Yifan smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and Jongin rolls his eyes. “Really? You haven’t grown out of that?”

“Not when it comes to you.”

The knot in Jongin’s stomach tightens and he lets a sad smile form before it falls. Yifan reaches out and takes Jongin by the arm, fingers warm through his shirt and he stares up at him. Memories of days spent laughing and drinking together after short runs between Earth and the moon base run through his head. Back then Jongin was fresh in love with Sehun and Yifan’s confession had fallen on sympathetic yet deaf ears. They drifted apart after that and Jongin sincerely regrets it.

“What happened?”

Unwanted tears blur his vision and Jongin drops his eyes to the floor. “He left me.” Jongin knows he doesn’t need to explain further because Yifan knows who _he_ is. There’s a sharp intake of breath sucked through teeth and he half expects Yifan to say something about knowing it would happen eventually, but he doesn’t.

Silence falls and Yifan’s fingers dig into his skin, trying to pull him forward, but Jongin locks his knees. He doesn’t need or want consoling. Yifan seems to understand even if he doesn’t drop his arm. “I’m sorry for what you’re going through,” Yifan starts. “I know how much you love him.”

Jongin nods and wills down the urge to cry.

“But I can’t say I’m sorry he’s gone.”

Leave it to Yifan to be brash and coarse even in the most delicate of situations. It nearly brings a smile to Jongin’s face, but the one that spreads isn’t real. It’s a tight stretch of lips that hide his teeth and do nothing to improve the quality of the mood. Yifan understands enough to relinquish his hold and ruffle Jongin’s hair affectionately instead.

“How long ago did he -?”

“He sent me a message just after I took off for this run.”

Jongin finally orients his gaze on Yifan again and he’s frowning. “That’s low.” He looks more pissed than anything. There’s a part of Jongin that’s glad they’re still close enough for Yifan to be outraged on his behalf. It makes him feel a little better even if most of his world has been reduced to ash. “Asshole didn’t even have the balls to do it in person.”

It’s the love talking - Jongin _knows_ that, but he can’t help it. “He did what he thought was best,” he mumbles.

“Don’t you dare jump to his defense, Jongin,” Yifan orders and the stern tone of his voice is a little surprising. “No one deserves what he’s done to you.”

“And what _has_ he done to me?” Jongin bristles, getting angry because Yifan doesn’t know. He has _no_ idea.

“Anyone that’s known you can see you’ve lost weight. There are bags under your eyes I could pack rations in for a month, your hands are jittery and you smell of peach cigarettes. You’re falling apart. So if _you_ can’t be pissed at Sehun -” Jongin flinches at the name. “-then let me be pissed for you.”

Jongin isn’t quite sure how to react to that, standing there in silence for a minute before speaking. “That’s so dumb.”

It diffuses the tension between them and before either of them know it, they’re laughing. Jongin feels the smile cracking across his face and he reaches out to rest a hand on Yifan’s arm to steady himself. There is a pirate potentially bleeding out in the next room, a _ship_ of pirates that can find them at any moment and Jongin simply finds himself uncaring for the moment.

But it’s only that moment.

Static from the nearby comm panel echoes down the hall and Jongin’s eyes widen.

“To the captain of this ship,” the message begins, remnants of crackling still audible in the background, “I do believe you’re in possession of something that’s mine.”

The two men share a look before taking off. Their boots are heavy on the metal flooring and Jongin uses his hip to push the hatch open enough for the both of them to enter the cockpit. A curse slips out into the room when he sees the vessel that’s speeding toward them. It’s so much larger than his and there’s no chance to outrun it. She looks like a decommissioned military ship with more than a few additions to keep her threat level high. He definitely doesn’t like the look of the cannons hanging low off the bottom.

Jongin’s been trained for dealing with pirates in the most peaceful way possible (the one that hopefully ends with him keeping his life) but this isn’t a simple encounter. Thankfully, it’s Yifan who takes the mic to respond. “I assume you’re referring to the man I brought with me to ensure you didn’t put a hole in my chest as you tore apart my ship.”

Tact has never been one of Yifan’s strong suits. Jongin’s afraid they won’t respond and he instinctively wraps a hand around Yifan’s wrist as a warning. All things considered, he’d rather not die right now.

“Yes, that would be it. And if you’d like to leave in one piece, I suggest handing him over without a fight.”

“If you back off, I’ll send him over in the shuttle after he’s been sewn up.”

Jongin’s eyes keep darting between Yifan and the ship outside the window, waiting for a sign of attack or of it slowing, but there’s neither. He may have nerves of steel, but this is thin ice they’re skating across and with Yifan’s temper, it will be a miracle if they make it out at all. The pirates are taking too long to respond and Jongin’s fingers dig into Yifan’s skin.

“If he’s injured then I’d prefer my own medic taking over his care. I’m sure you understand.”

Yifan growls low and Jongin looks at him curiously. “What?” he mouths.

He covers the mic with his hand and sighs. “I’m so sorry. I should have let you fly past.”

“What’s going on?” Jongin demands.

“They’re angling for a face-to-face which means we run the risk of your ship being taken.”

Jongin hand falls and he takes a step back, shaking his head. “I’ll die before they get her.”

“Just let me handle it.” Jongin eyes him skeptically. “Trust me?”

“Do I have a choice?” he grumbles and Yifan slides the headset back on.

“One medic.”

Jongin slumps down in his chair, elbows propped on his knees and his head in his hands as Yifan negotiates a meeting. The idea of more pirates on his ship makes him far more uneasy than the threat of their ship looming just ahead. At least with that, he knows what he’s dealing with. They're pirates and if they want his ship, they’ll do anything to get it.

The headset comes off and lands on the console, Yifan biting his lip and Jongin gazes up at him. “How fucked are we?”

“If they hold to their end? Not much.”

“ _If_.”

Yifan sighs. “If.”

All ship captains either carry a weapon or keep one stashed on the ship in case of emergencies. Both Jongin and Yifan are armed with standard issue air blasters - carefully calibrated to put a hole in a man without punching through the hull of a ship. Jongin's never had to use his outside the firing range and it feels heavy in his hand. There's no holster strapped to his thigh like Yifan has, but Yifan's been trained to always keep a weapon on his person.

The two stay in the cockpit until they see a small shuttle leave the large ship and head their way. Together they make the walk to docking bay one in silence. It isn't until Jongin has prepped on his end, platform extended and awaiting their new guests, that he speaks. "How many?"

"Two and one's a medic."

Jongin nods and chews his bottom lip nervously. "If," he repeats.

"Yeah." Yifan sighs and suddenly embraces Jongin in a tight hug that warms him from head to toe. "If I don't get the chance to do this later," he says, voice muffled in Jongin's hair. Jongin hugs him back and sincerely hopes they haven't managed to sign their own death warrants.

With a lurch of his stomach that follows the sound of a successful dock, Jongin turns to see the green light. Yifan pulls out his weapon and aims it directly at the hatch. He nods and Jongin opens it.

In walks a tall man clad from head to toe in leather, red hair styled into a fauxhawk and piercings littering the curve of each ear. He's carrying a satchel at his side and he eyes Yifan before setting it down. "I'm the doctor," he informs them both.

"Bullshit," Yifan spits out.

"Be nice," comes a soft voice from behind the imposing figure still staring at Yifan as if daring him to take the shot. And then out steps a short man with a dimpled smile and long black hair pulled back into a ponytail. "Tao's the best medic I've gotten my claws in. I'd hate for you to scare him off." His smile is deceivingly innocent and Jongin's thrown off his guard even if Yifan isn’t.

"You're the man responsible for raiding my ship," Yifan accuses.

"I'm Yixing and yes, I do believe I am."

"I must have taken a mighty fine prize of a hostage if the Captain himself comes over to fetch him."

Yixing laughs and Jongin takes a step back, fingers still wound tight on his weapon. "I didn't come because of Jongdae," he begins. "I wanted to lay eyes on the man who put up such a fight."

"And?" Yifan inquires with a raised eyebrow.

"You're taller than I expected." Yixing rocks back on his heels and almost appears delighted.

"And now that you've seen me? What next? Thinly veiled threats and ultimatums?"

Yixing's smile fades. "You put a hole in one of my ships."

"It was in my way," Yifan retorts with a shrug. "And I did warn him first."

"You're a cocky son of a bitch."

"And you're just the portrait of modesty."

"I could use a man like you."

"You could also use a hole in your head. I volunteer to help with that."

"This is all very fascinating," Tao interrupts although the look on his face screams boredom. "But I'd like to see my patient."

Jongin looks over and Yifan gives him a small nod. He sweeps eyes over the other two with unease before backing out of the room and heading down to where the hostage - Jongdae - is being kept. Minseok gives him a dirty look and it's only after he explains that there are two pirates on the ship to get Jongdae back that he relinquishes the injured man. It's slow walking back with most of Jongdae's weight leaning on him. Jongin made it clear that Luhan and Minseok are to stay put. The last thing he needs is those two getting in the way of things.

The room is quiet when Jongin gets back and he notices Yifan's weapon is back in its holster. Yixing looks altogether too pleased and Tao rushes over to take Jongdae, performing a cursory inspection of the exposed injury with narrow eyes. Yifan walks over and takes Jongin by the arm, leading him to the far corner. The look on Yifan’s face has Jongin scared out of his mind.

"They've assured you safe passage through the blockade." Yifan's voice is low and he doesn't release his hold on Jongin, keeping their bodies close. All Jongin can do is look up at his face in question. "And on the return trip."

"There's a catch," Jongin mumbles because there's guilt written all over Yifan - from the way his lips turn down to the press of his fingers on his arm.

"I have to go with them."

The world drops out from under Jongin's feet and he gapes up at Yifan before shaking his head. "No."

"Jongin, this is the only way."

"No," he says again, voice unwavering because he's not about to lose someone else.

“I’m sorry, Jongin, but it’s not your choice. It’s mine.”

“The hell it is,” Jongin hisses. “You’re doing this to save _my_ ass and I won’t let you.”

“And you can’t stop me.”

“This is your _life_.”

“Which means I can choose to do with it what I want and right now I want you to get your ass out of harm’s way.”

Jongin clenches his jaw and huffs through his nose, anger seeping through every pore on his body. He lost Sehun because of his own incompetence and if he can do anything to keep from losing Yifan too, he’ll do it. “What if I go instead? Would they take me?”

“Jongin, no.” The steely countenance on Yifan’s face is unwavering and Jongin has never wanted to punch him so much in his life. He wants to break that tough exterior and get through to Yifan. He doesn’t want him to give up his life. Not for him. Not for this.

“Please.” His voice comes out as a whisper, catching in his throat. “We can outrun them. Take those two as hostages and get the hell out of here.”

“Don’t for a moment think that ship doesn’t already have us in their sights. Captain or not, they will blow us up if we try anything.” Yifan sighs. “I’ve run through every scenario and this is the only one that doesn’t end in your death.”

“And what about yours? If you go with them you’re as good as dead.”

“A sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Jongin is shaking in anger. “Don’t talk about sacrifice. Don’t do this. Where’s the soldier who would stand up to anything? Where’s the man who got into a fist fight with half a dozen soldiers because one of them spilled your drink? Or the guy who trailed after me, convinced he could make me fall for him? This isn’t you!”

“We pick and choose our battles. Just because I’m going with them doesn’t mean I’m conceding defeat. Maybe if I had someone like you waiting for me at home I’d fight a little harder, but I don’t. There’s me and there’s you and between the two of us, you’re worth more to me.”

“Yifan, I -”

“You’re going to get these two to Titan and then turn right back around and go home. You’re going to live your life with or without Sehun and you’re going to be happy or so help me I’ll take over the entire damn pirate fleet to invade Earth and shoot you myself.”

“There has to be another way.”

Yifan shakes his head and Jongin feels a heavy weight pressing in on his chest. This isn’t how things are supposed to go. “Besides, they have my ship and if I have half a chance to get her back, I will.”

Jongin’s lost the fight and it hurts. It pulls tight on his remaining sanity, daring the strings to snap and break. It’s almost surreal watching Yifan walk over to Yixing and hand him his weapon. This is a necessary thing - his mind knows this - but it does nothing to make it easier to bear. Tao and Jongdae leave first, taking the shuttle the pirates had come in. Jongin steels himself and leads the other two through the halls toward Yifan’s shuttle. There’s no reason for it to stay attached, especially since Jongin can’t land if it’s still docked.

Jongin wants to save Yifan and he can’t. The knowledge nearly brings him to his knees as he watches the man he’s known for so many years walk off his ship in captivity.

“Make sure to come back through this way or I can’t guarantee your safety,” Yixing throws back before the hatch closes and Yifan is out of sight. Jongin leans against the wall for support, breathing heavy to fight off the sting behind his eyes. Everything’s caving in and if he doesn’t get a grip on it, he’s going to fall.

It takes a rush of adrenaline to have him speeding out and down to the front of the ship. He powers everything back on and is quick to pull away from the enemy ship, hauling ass from the red planet and toward the asteroid belt. Even if Yixing’s allowed him to go, that doesn’t mean others in the area will and he doesn’t have it in him to go through another encounter.

There’s no looking back and Jongin fights every instinct that tells him to turn around and slam his ship into the other just to prove a point. His own anger and pain are secondary to his mission. He can’t recklessly risk the lives of his passengers for a vendetta no matter how much he aches.

The asteroid belt looms ahead and Jongin turns the auto-pilot back on. The proximity detectors will avoid anything large enough to pierce through the hull and after they’ve cleared the field, it’s smooth sailing. Or at least he hopes it is because he simply can’t take much more.

There’s an ancient bottle of liquor in his quarters, still sealed and waiting for the perfect occasion to pop it open. With everything that’s going on, now seems appropriate enough. He has the bottle in one hand and three small metal cups in the other when he bangs on the hatch to Luhan and Minseok’s room. It opens and he barges in, distributing the cups and twisting open the alcohol. “I refuse to drink alone,” he says when he spies their questioning looks.

The smell hits him in the face and it’s strong. Good. He tips back his first drink and it burns a trail over his tongue and down his throat. Jongin doesn’t hesitate to pour himself another.

“You could dissolve the rust on the hull with this stuff,” Luhan says with a scrunched up face and watery eyes.

Jongin looks affronted. “There’s no rust on my hull.” He takes another large gulp and sighs. This isn’t a solution by any means, but with some luck, it’ll numb it all for a while.

They end up in the observation room, Luhan and Minseok propped against the bench Jongin is laying across. It’s quite beautiful to see from afar, the ship skirting around the outside edge as to avoid unfortunate collisions. They haven't made it to the main belt yet, just the smaller pieces of rock that have floated further out, but it's still an amazing sight. Luhan keeps gasping when something larger than the size of a car orbits past and Jongin thumps him on the top of the head each time. Minseok snorts and inhales a bit of alcohol which ends with him declaring his own death, listing to the side.

It’s quiet, life settling in with an ache and Jongin refuses to do anything except let the alcohol fog his senses and dull the pain. Luhan and Minseok are good people and their smiles are infectious. If anything, they take the sting away for a while, allowing Jongin to close his eyes and for once not see Sehun.

 

Jongin refuses to drink again after suffering through the worst hangover of his life. Minseok spent the morning nearly pouring water down his throat to help with the dehydration and Jongin had popped pain-killers like candy until Minseok had taken them away with a frown. The only saving grace about the throbbing in his head is his inability to think about anything, much less brood over Sehun.

It takes nearly two days for them to pass the asteroid belt, only a few bumps here and there from a few of the small rocks hitting against the hull. The clear expanse of space ahead is a welcome sight. He can power the engines back to full and get them to Jupiter in less than thirteen days if they're lucky. This is no longer a race to get home, but a sprint to get as far away as possible. Jongin wants to outrun his pain, speed past heartbreak and reach the end with lungs full of fresh air and newfound freedom. He's not actually naive enough to believe he can, but there's only so far a man can go before he breaks. He needs that light at the end of the tunnel.

Jongin’s starting to think there’s a mutiny aboard his ship. Neither Luhan nor Minseok will let him out of their sight for long. Jongin has to learn to lock the door when he showers. He caught Minseok sneaking in one day, and Luhan had actually managed it before, perching on the toilet and scaring the crap out of him. All he wants to do is take a piss in peace and possibly stall a little before having to deal with smiling faces trying to draw something that isn’t there from him.

Jongin doesn’t _want_ to smile. He doesn’t want to laugh or crack jokes or act like everything’s fine when it’s not. It’s not fucking fine.

Sehun is gone.

Yifan is gone.

Jongin considers both of these a main act unto themselves and hopes this tragedy is finished writing itself soon.

Minseok throws an arm over his shoulder the moment he walks out, bumping their sides as he’s escorted down to the observation room. They’re coming up on Jupiter and Luhan is gawking, jaw agape and hands on the glass like a small child even if the planet is still in the distance. Jongin’s focus, however, is on the roiling storm twisting down on the surface that's visible even from this far out. The gaseous monstrosity is a direct physical manifestation of the emotions that keep playing in his worn out body. 

There’s sadness, guilt, longing, anger, fear. And they all fight to be the strongest. He’s prey to a medley of unstable feelings and pretty soon he thinks he’ll snap.

 

How does one move forward after losing everything?

One day at a time.

 

Things are relatively simple when it comes down to the basest of facts. If Sehun leaving has this much of an effect on his life, perhaps he’d made Sehun too much of it. Jongin tries to remember a time when he wasn’t circling his boyfriend, doing the things that Sehun wanted to do and giving up his own preferences. When did Jongin lose himself?

He’s scrolling through the music on his tablet and trashing all the songs he listened to only so he’d know the lyrics when Sehun turned them up. He never enjoyed them; he just wanted to see the smile on Sehun’s face. There are so many, and when he finally whittles it down, there’s only a few dozen titles that stare back at him out of the hundreds.

Luhan’s voice trails in the distance, rattling off statistics and game analysis of the latest football season. Jongin realizes he hasn’t watched a game in years. He hasn’t even paid attention to the rankings on the news. Even if football wasn’t his dream anymore, he always enjoyed watching. When did he stop?

All things lead back to Sehun. Sehun never liked football much or any sport for that matter, and it had filtered out of Jongin’s life as well, along with his identity.

Jongin finds himself searching for something to define himself that doesn’t involve Sehun - a part of him that’s survived the years of wrapping and tangling and melding into what Sehun wanted him to be. He stares out the large window, watching the browns and reds of the planet surface scatter and reform into chaotic shapes, playing out their own part in the grander scheme of things.

It’s time to pick up the pieces and rebuild.

It’s time to shuffle off the old and embrace all the things he’s buried over the years.

He doesn’t blame Sehun. He never asked Jongin to change. It was Jongin who conformed without a second thought, too immersed in his own infatuation to understand what he was doing. And even now, he doesn’t regret doing so because things were far sweeter when Sehun would smile a little bit wider.

But he doesn’t have that anchor anymore. There’s no Sehun.

Yifan’s sacrifice weighs heavy beside it all. Jongin at least owes it to the him to pull himself together from all the fragmented pieces left behind. What good is he if he can’t at least make an attempt at being happy?

There’s a tiny part of Jongin that questions keeping his job as a pilot after this. The smaller trips that ended with him back at home every night were enough for him to stay happy. But now that he’s out here, does he want to give it up?

No.

Jongin can’t imagine himself anywhere else. Sehun had been right when he said he was the only reason Jongin even came back. There’s something liberating about being out in space even if he’s still in an enclosed ship, bound by the limitations of man. Right now it feels like the only thing he has left.

 

Jupiter becomes a faint dot in the distance, their course now corrected to compensate for Saturn’s orbit. It’ll add another day or so to the trip, but he doesn’t think the other two will mind. They’ve managed to turn what could have been a severely boring trip into a honeymoon cruise through the stars. Walking in on them during intimate moments is becoming a regular enough thing that it doesn’t even phase him anymore. He notes their distinct lack of pulling away from each other when he steps foot in the galley. They’ve acclimated to his presence as well.

At least it’s not awkward.

The burning jealousy he used to get when he saw their small touches and measured gestures has faded, replaced with something else. He’s not necessarily getting better, but time passes and thinking about Sehun hurts less and less. A full sixteen days go by before Saturn grows large ahead of them and Jongin feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

It’s the night before they make it to Titan and Jongin is scrolling - for the first time - through videos Sehun had downloaded onto his tablet from earlier missions. Some of them are him rambling, knowing how Jongin loved just listening to the sound of his voice. A lot of the recordings are of Sehun doing the simple, mundane things Jongin misses out on. He gets to speed through Sehun cooking, Sehun studying and falling asleep at his desk, Sehun singing horribly in the shower. He opts to skip the videos that Sehun made to help him get through his sexual frustrations.

But the point is, as much as it hurts, it’s bearable. He looks at Sehun’s face and smiles fondly along with the dull aching in his heart. His fingers slide down the screen and yet the tears don’t spill down his cheeks anymore. There’s hardly a sting behind his eyes and he deems it progress enough. A broken heart takes a long time to heal and he’s only at the beginning.

 

Titan is all rock - mountainous formations and rough, unforgiving terrain. The descent into the atmosphere is turbulent and Luhan squeaks when he nearly topples over, grabbing Minseok in the process. They’d insisted on staying in the cockpit even though he’d warned them they’d want somewhere stable to buckle in. It’s not his fault they’re crawling on the floor on their knees in an attempt to get a better look out the window.

“Thank you for flying Space Sekai,” Jongin teases. “Here’s hoping your next adventure through the solar system will be less exciting.”

Disembarking seems a little surreal after all he’s been through. The artificial gravity hits harder than expected and the rounded tunnels that lead under the surface of the moon are constricting. No one was there to greet him when they landed, but that’s the norm around here. They don’t spare anyone unless a tour guide is necessary. Jongin knows where they’re going.

The dome that surrounds the colony isn’t overly large, but it’s impressive nonetheless. It adds a certain ethereal quality to the sky and he hears Luhan and Minseok behind him, whispering excitedly between one another when they step inside.

“Jongin!” A sturdy hand comes down on his back and Jongin jolts forward. “Good to see you made it.” Jongin manages to give Leeteuk, the person in charge of colony operations, a weak smile before the man’s attention is diverted. “Ah, you must be Luhan and Minseok. Welcome to Titan!”

He’s always been a bit too loud for Jongin’s liking, but it does serve to lighten the mood some. Luhan and Minseok both leave after assaulting Jongin with unnecessarily long hugs.

“Take care of yourself,” Luhan whispers in his ear before letting go. There’s a pang in Jongin’s chest when he watches them walk off. He’s actually going to miss those two clowns. They should do well out here, though. They held up well during the pirate incident so there’s hope for them after all.

Time for the changing of the guard.

Jongin finds Joonmyun in the mess, shaking hands with several of his colleagues with a bag full of his belongings slung over his shoulder. There isn’t a time Jongin can remember when Joonmyun didn’t have a smile on his face, but the one he’s wearing today seems more real than all the others. His eyes wrinkle around the sides and his lips curl up further and Jongin knows it’s because he’s finally going home.

Normally, Jongin would stay overnight in the colony, taking his time to stretch out and sleep on something a bit less harsh than his own mattress, but not today. With Joonmyun and a just as eager Baekhyun in tow, they’re back inside his ship as soon as it’s finished being unloaded and refueled. He may not have anyone waiting at home for him, but Joonmyun does and Jongin latches onto that hope like a leech.

They take off without a hitch and Jongin plots out the course, flipping on the auto-pilot before going to check on his two new passengers.

“Why is there blood on the bed?” Baekhyun cringes from the stained mattress Jongin forgot to clean and informs them both he’ll be bunking with Joonmyun instead.

To his credit, Joonmyun doesn’t seem ruffled and ignores Baekhyun taking up half his space before following Jongin down to the galley. “How’s Sehun?” he asks conversationally and Jongin winces. Joonmyun’s always been especially observant and a comforting hand lands on Jongin’s shoulder. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

“No,” Jongin mumbles after a moment. “No, I think I need to talk about it.”

Chairs are slid together so they can face each other and Joonmyun has Jongin’s hand in his. Silence takes over and Joonmyun is patient, waiting for Jongin to be ready. Baekhyun comes wandering in minutes later, oddly at home as he goes rummaging for a drink and something to eat. He sits at the other side of the table, chewing on small bits of jerky as quietly as he can.

Jongin opens his mouth, only to close it again with a sigh. Joonmyun runs a thumb over his knuckles. “I probably should have seen it coming,” he finally says. Joonmyun’s hold tightens, squeezing his fingers. “But I was too lost to figure it out.”

“That’s what love does,” Joonmyun says with a wistful smile. “It makes us crazy until we can’t see where we started or how we’ll end. All we can do is brace ourselves.”

“How do I find my way back, though?”

“Time.”

“And a hot rebound,” Baekhyun adds with a smile that looks far too sinister.

Joonmyun rolls his eyes. “You’re such a sleaze.”

 

Things are easier with Joonmyun onboard. Jongin makes it through his days with someone there to keep him smiling and even if it’s similar to what Luhan and Minseok attempted, Joonmyun isn’t suffocating. He backs off and gives Jongin his space although that doesn’t stop Baekhyun from not-so-subtly patting his butt when they pass in the corridor.

A few days in and Jongin’s lightly shaking the small package Kyungsoo had given him for Joonmyun. “What’s in these anyway?” he asks, curiosity getting the better of him.

Joonmyun smiles when he opens it, pulling out a solid square of chocolate that’s as big as his fist. “Want some?”

 

Joonmyun can’t dance. He’s stiff and awkward, and he’s trying to lead Jongin around the space in the observation room without hitting the benches. So far he’s managed to step on Jongin’s toes half a dozen times and slam the backs of their legs against the metal seats twice. The man is a walking hazard zone and Baekhyun is cackling from the corner. All that’s missing is a bucket of popcorn.

“You think you can do better?” Joonmyun huffs.

Baekhyun slides forward, gracefully taking Joonmyun’s place and Jongin thinks this might be worse. Joonmyun had suggested he learn something new as a slow way to build up a life outside Sehun. It’s not a bad recommendation, but dancing isn’t what he had in mind. Yet here they are, traipsing across the floor with soft music playing over the comm speakers. Joonmyun’s tablet is plugged in to the system because Jongin would never listen to something so classical.

Dancing with Baekhyun is much easier. He’s small and fluid and glides them around the room almost effortlessly. Jongin trips over his own feet less and Baekhyun is beaming at him. Jongin flashes Joonmyun a triumphant smile on their second circle around. This something new is actually fun and he’s laughing when Baekhyun tugs Joonmyun until they form a circle and go spinning together.

 

Everything hurts a little less with the balm of friends soothing over the burn and Jongin smiles a little more each day. Sometimes he finds himself thinking of Yifan and only hopes the stubborn Captain is still alive and putting up a fight. The closer they get to Mars, the more anxious Jongin feels. The pirates know his route now and even with their reassurances, they can easily blow him to pieces. It’s a nervousness that lingers on the edge of everything, leaving him to swallow down the taste of fear.

“Why is there a pirate ship coming up on our ass?” an out of breath Baekhyun asks after he wrenches open the cockpit hatch.

Jongin swivels fast enough that he feels a slight pop in his neck. “What?” There’s been radio silence and surely if there were any friendlies out here, they would have made themselves known. They’ve only just made it over the asteroid belt and pirate territory doesn’t come out this far. He’s out of his seat and following Baekhyun down to the observation room where Joonmyun is eyeing the approaching vessel in obvious fear.

One look and Jongin bursts into laughter. Both his passengers stare at him as if he’s lost his mind and it’s quite possible he has. Ace is still closing in, only she doesn’t look like the well maintained vessel she used to. She’s been tagged to hell and back in bright reds and yellows and blues. There’s even something that looks like a cartoonized alpaca in bright pink near the front and Jongin’s stomach hurts. He wonders if the people responsible for violating Yifan’s ship are still in one piece.

“There’s a shuttle coming over!” Baekhyun shouts, backing away from the window as if staying out of sight would actually help. “PLEASE DON’T LET THEM TAKE ME!” Joonmyun smacks him on the back of the head.

“They’re not coming to take the ship, are they?” Joonmyun inquires, both of them now looking over at Jongin.

“Knock, knock,” comes Yifan’s voice over the comm.

“Nope. Just an old friend.”

Joonmyun and Baekhyun look skeptical, but Jongin is at least thrilled to know Yifan is alive. He makes for the closest docking bay and extends the platform with a calmness that hides the fluttering in his stomach. Yifan steps inside alone save for the gummy smile spread across his face.

“What?” Jongin asks when he gets a look at him. “No pink?”

Yifan’s face falls into a scowl. “I refuse to speak of the atrocities done to my ship.”

Jongin walks over to hug his friend, arms around waists and Yifan’s chin on the top of his head. Knowing Yifan’s alive and in one piece is more than he could have hoped for. He’ll be alright now, even if they’re separated. “Keep holding on and I might think you missed me,” Yifan teases and Jongin steps out of his hold.

“I see they haven’t beaten the arrogance out of you.”

Yifan laughs, running a hand through his hair. “They’re not as bad as everyone is made to believe.”

“I’m _not_ putting that in my report.”

“Seriously. Most of these people were abandoned out here with no way to fend for themselves. They steal to live.”

“That doesn’t give them the right to take ships. To take _you_.”

“We’re swimming in a gray area here. Neither side is without blame.”

Jongin is stopped short because Yifan is a steadfast man. He was dedicated to the military before working as a pilot for EXO and his loyalties run deep. If he has been convinced, then maybe there’s something to it. Jongin scuffs his foot and sighs. “I still don’t like them.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. A few broken noses and they leave me alone for the most part. And I get to keep my ship. I can’t really complain.”

“So you really like it with them?”

“It’s not great,” Yifan explains. “But I think I can do some good.” Jongin pierces him with a disbelieving gaze. “If there’s anything I can do to prevent unnecessary violence to the ships they attack, then it’s worth it. It’s not an ideal situation, no. But it’s better than being blown out an airlock.”

“And here I was, hoping to sneak you away.”

“And take me away from the greatest adventure yet?” Yifan rests a hand on Jongin’s shoulder and squeezes, fingers digging into skin. “I’m good.” His features are soft, relaxed and Jongin knows he’s lost. Yifan doesn’t want to be saved.

“Alright,” Jongin concedes. “But try not to attack me next run? I’d hate to ruin the art on your ship.”

 

The weight of Yifan’s apartment keycard sits heavy in Jongin’s palm. He keeps sliding his fingers over the edges as an assurance that it’s there. It’s all he has left of his friend. Yifan left with a smile and a hug that nearly crushed his ribs and Jongin had done his best to not look as down as he felt. But at least he’s happy out there.

Yifan had given him instructions to clean anything out of his small apartment that he wants before the government comes swooping in to do it. It feels like an invasion of privacy, but Yifan’s right. The government will do everything to erase all traces of Yifan’s existence when they learn of his capture. It leaves him feeling ill, but there’s nothing more he can do. Yifan’s made his choice and Jongin respects it.

Joonmyun and Baekhyun don’t ask too much about it, accepting Jongin’s brief explanation of how his old friend saved his ass on the way through. They don’t freak out as Ace escorts them all the way past Mars until it’s too dangerous for Yifan to keep going.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Yifan says over the comm when they part ways and Jongin clenches the keycard in his hand enough to leaves lines in his fingers.

“It better not be.”

The line goes quiet and Yifan’s ship is gone. Jongin sits back in his chair and collects himself before switching on the auto-pilot. They’re a day away from the moon and he doesn’t know how to handle going home to an empty apartment. He tries not to think about it, shoving everything down and closing the lid. The cigarette between his lips gives him little comfort, but he takes a long drag anyway, leaning back to watch the smoke pour from his lips.

Joonmyun joins him later, confiscating Jongin’s tablet to read one of the books Sehun had downloaded. Jongin hadn’t been interested in reading it, but Joonmyun’s been away long enough to miss the simple things. Most of the population takes for granted being able to wake up and walk outside, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the sun on their skin. Joonmyun’s been sheltered under a dome for the last four years, unable to feel the sun or take in air that hasn’t been recycled thousands of times already. He can’t plug into the global network to find new music or books or movies. He’s been in a bubble, separated from the rest of humanity and he drinks in anything new like water.

Joonmyun also forces Jongin to vacate the cockpit and go to bed when it gets late. After a brief shower, Jongin curls up and stares at the ceiling, imagining what Sehun is doing right now. Does Sehun think of him too? Or has he moved on?

Giving up on sleep, Jongin pulls out the mission tablet and begins on his report. There’s a lot to tell and it needs to be done by the time he gets to Earth.

 

“You’re clear for landing pad four,” Kyungsoo relays and Jongin hears the edge in his voice. He’s still pissed.

“Can you meet me there?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo snorts and it echoes in Jongin’s ear. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I have a present for you.”

There’s silence and Jongin thinks Kyungsoo’s going to ignore him. “Really?”

“Landing pad four.”

It’s a simple docking, Jongin setting her down easy and the ceiling closing above them. He doesn’t know how to feel now that his journey is over. So much has happened and it pulls him in different directions. This time, he definitely knows he’s left some of himself in the stars.

Baekhyun and Joonmyun hurry to escape the confines of the ship, bags in hand and grins on their faces. Jongin lets Baekhyun out, but places a hand on Joonmyun’s chest to halt his progress.

“So I didn’t exactly tell Kyungsoo I was bringing you back,” Jongin informs him.

Joonmyun furrows his eyebrows. “Why?”

“To see his face when you step out.” Jongin is beaming and Joonmyun laughs.

“Well hurry up so I can see my boyfriend.”

Jongin salutes Joonmyun and hops out, steadying himself because he always forgets the moon’s gravity is different. After a few tumultuous steps it gets better. He hurries when he sees Kyungsoo coming up the ramp. “What’s so important?” he grumps. “I’m still on duty.”

Unable to resist, Jongin pinches Kyungsoo’s cheeks and gets a slap on the chest. “Cheer up. You don’t need my services anymore.”

“What? Why?” Kyungsoo is confused, but then his eyes widen and his jaw drops and Jongin feels his own chest constricting at the reaction. He moves to the side before Kyungsoo gets a chance to shove him, the man racing up to Joonmyun who’s just stepped out. The bag slips from Joonmyun’s grasp and Kyungsoo is in his arms a split second later. The scene is heart wrenching and raw. Jongin turns away to give them a little privacy. Baekhyun tugs on his sleeve and they head down the ramp together wordlessly. Jongin feels better knowing he’s given those two something to be happy for even if it was merely an assignment.

They’re ambushed a minute later by Amber, her arm draped over Jongin’s shoulders as she falls in step with them. “How’d she do?”

“Ran like a dream.”

“Told you.”

Jongin rolls his eyes and elbows her away. She sticks her tongue out and whacks him on the butt with her tablet before running back to the hangar.

“She’s cute,” Baekhyun comments, eyes trailing back after the mechanic. Jongin sighs and leads them toward the shuttles. Joonmyun joins them half an hour later - just in time for the shuttle to Earth to start boarding. There’s an ear-splitting grin on his face and his cheeks are flush and Jongin’s never seen someone so happy.

When they make it to the atmosphere, Earth closing in, Jongin grips the seat and his eyes close. Instinctively he thinks of Sehun and the pain follows. His mind scrambles to replace the thought with something else and he panics because there’s nothing else. His breathing picks up and his heart slams against his ribs and Jongin fights against the urge to cry. Sehun isn’t waiting for him.

Joonmyun slips his hand into Jongin’s and he squeezes, drawing his attention. There’s a knowing, gentle smile on Joonmyun’s face and Jongin is thankful. He clings to Joonmyun and calms himself, keeping his eyes open and oriented on their fingers so he doesn’t see the flames outside the hull.

His stomach drops when they land and Jongin stays in his seat until the last person is out, attempting to catch his breath. The building isn’t as crowded as it usually is because it’s a little after one in the morning and Chanyeol looks dead on his feet. Jongin feels guilty when he hands over his report, the dossier of his trip glossed over on the tablet. He knows Yifan and Chanyeol are friends. They exchange weary pleasantries and part ways at the car. Jongin waves at Joonmyun and Baekhyun as they clamber into a car of their own, no doubt to go straight to EXO for a debriefing.

Jongin walks into an almost empty apartment. There are holes where memories used to be - pictures gone, clutter clean and a short message left on the refrigerator. _Eat well_. He almost erases it, but can’t bring himself to do it. The words stay as the last piece of evidence Sehun had been here at all.

 

Yifan’s apartment is small and nearly barren. Jongin goes the following morning to salvage what he can of his friend. There is a picture of the two of them from a tacky sports bar in a bad part of the city that's taped above the light switch. They were clearly drunk, arms wrapped around each other and smiles wide enough to nearly close their eyes. Jongin barely remembers that night. It had been before they grew apart, and Jongin wishes he hadn’t pushed Yifan away.

Jongin fills a small crate with little things like Yifan’s lighter, the only mug in his cabinet and some of his clothes. His plaque for being an exemplary soldier is taken too. Yifan _does_ belong out there. There’s nothing here to hold him back and Jongin thinks that without Sehun, he’d be the same by now. Maybe he _will_ end up the same.

 

The company doesn’t want to send him out on a mission so soon after his encounter. They force Jongin to see a rehabilitation specialist to make sure he’s mentally able to keep flying. It’s clear they don’t want to lose him if they’re going this far, but he’s still grounded until they see fit to give him a new mission. It gives him too much time with his thoughts.

 

How does one finish a puzzle without all its pieces?

Make new ones.

He wakes up every morning and stares at the ceiling. He added glow-in-the dark stars and a solar system to the white expanse just to make him feel more comfortable. It’s childish and it makes him happy. Jongin eats and goes for a jog down sidewalks and streets that still feel alien. He does laundry and he catches up on the movies he’s missed.

It takes a month for Jongin to erase the message on the refrigerator. He sticks the picture he took from Yifan’s apartment over the empty spot and taps his knuckles against it every time he opens the door.

Jongin goes to a football game. He gets lost in the crowd, getting swept along to his seat. He’s nervous and uneasy, but it all fades when the stadium begins to rise. The thrill of being high in the air and watching the players racing across the field gives him a rush he hasn’t felt in a long time. He doesn’t think of Sehun, but of the roar of the cheers in his ears, the wind in his hair and the drop of his stomach when the opposing team nearly makes a goal. He’s on his feet when the ball skews too far to the left and hits the barrier instead.

Going out with Chanyeol becomes more of a regular thing. Before, they’d occasionally find themselves grabbing a beer and dinner between every few missions when Jongin was planetside, but the tradition is picking up speed. At first it was obvious Chanyeol was taking him out to get more information on Yifan and Jongin indulged as much as he dared. Chanyeol, as good a guy as he is, is still a company man and he’s liable to let things slip. Jongin didn’t say anything of Yifan’s second trip to the ship - of his compliance with his captors. But he assures Chanyeol that Yifan is strong enough to make it out there.

Now they end up at a bar nearly every week, drinking and talking about sports and Yifan isn’t mentioned. Jongin still feels a little guilty about it, but there’s nothing to be done.

“I think they want to send you up soon,” Chanyeol says with a lopsided grin.

Jongin nearly chokes on his drink, beer burning a slow trail down. “Seriously?”

Chanyeol pats him on the back and Jongin feels a lightness in his muscles that he hasn’t felt in a long time. He's been earthbound for almost four months and the idea of being able to escape to the stars again leaves him grinning the rest of the night.

 

There are still days when it hurts more. Those are the ones where he wishes he’d taken Sehun to the stars with him every chance he could. He feels off balance, teetering too far to one side with nothing to pull him back. Weakness has him clawing at memories and a still fading love until he lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling until the pain goes away.

It ebbs away with the hours and Jongin always pulls himself together in the end. He knows he’s still a work in progress, but he’s getting there, getting stronger.

Each sunrise brings hope.

Each day ends with Jongin finding another part of himself.

 

“Welcome back, Space Cowboy!” There’s the sound of applause and Jongin laughs as Amber shoves a small cake under his nose. “Made it myself, so you better enjoy every single bite.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Kyungsoo steps up and hands Jongin a package the same size and weight of the ones he used to send Joonmyun. “Take care of yourself out there.”

“I didn’t know you cared.”

“I don’t,” Kyungsoo is quick to say. “But Joonmyun does.” He winks and Jongin pulls Kyungsoo into a hug.

“Thank you.”

Jongin still needs to get his ship painted, but she’s beautiful and he feels at home when he steps inside. Familiar paths and cramped spaces laced with memories fill him with pride.

With his cake safely stored and Kyungsoo’s package of chocolate tucked inside his quarters, Jongin sits in the cockpit and stares down at his new comm system. There’s a giant red bow wrapped around the mic and he pockets it once he slips the knot loose. Kyungsoo’s voice rings out loud and clear with no static or crackling.

It’s time to go.


End file.
